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a new lyric

Songwriting
bluesguitar101  
15 Feb 2012 15:34 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Netherlands
Lessons: 1
Karma: 5
this is a lyric I've written for a song I'm currently working on, please tell me what you think.


TALKING TO NOTHING

The hall is silent, the doors are closed
And I’m talking to nothing
The walls are empty, the pictures gone
Maybe taken by strangers
The windows covered, the carpet burned
On which we used to sit
The beds are gone, the rooms are empty
Not even a memory

The door is locked, I stand alone
In this room abandoned
How may time, did we spent here?
I just can’t remember
It’s been so long, I’ve been away
But nothing has changed
The crooked pictures, the worn out sealing
And I get this strange feeling

Your room lies vacant, the warmth departed,
The bare walls eye sad
The stairs are rotting, the floor is squeaking
The walls are collapsing
The burning carpet, the lightened candles
Set you on fire
The picture’s gone, the memory too
And I’m talking to nothing.
Walkwithme  
15 Feb 2012 16:21 | Quote
Joined: 08 Feb 2012
United States
Licks: 5
Karma: 4
how may time? u mean how much time right?? and the bare walls eye sad? besides those, really really good. excellent idea for lyrics keep at it
Phip  
15 Feb 2012 18:22 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
bluesguitar101,
Welcome
That's pretty damn depressing stuff! And you're a blues fan so, good job!
I'm going to take a prozac now and sleep with the light on. ;)
Meanwhile you can put that to music so we can hear it.
Phip
Guitarslinger124  
15 Feb 2012 18:47 | Quote
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
United States
Lessons: 12
Licks: 42
Karma: 38
Moderator
Dude, I really like this. Terrific. Absolutely terrific. I normally don't care for lyrics, but I can really relate to this.

Rock on!
tinyskateboard  
15 Feb 2012 22:33 | Quote
Joined: 28 Apr 2010
United States
Karma: 11
great cadence, i think this will be a great song.
bluesguitar101  
16 Feb 2012 13:02 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jan 2012
Netherlands
Lessons: 1
Karma: 5
thank you all very much, and yes Walwithme you're right, it's a quite a stupid error actually.

here's another one.

CLOCK.

I’m awake in the dead of night,
My heart still pounds and my eyes are open wide
The air is dark, I cannot follow the light
I can hear the voices call
Distorted images, reflect on the walls

Strange things are happening
Stranger things have happened before
But I know, I know for sure
There is a portrait above the pendulum
It is smiling back to me
I know I need to get away
But all the doors have locked on me.

Loved ones sit down on the floor
Life-machines roll in through the door
Is my spirit alive? I’m not sure.
Robot machinery stimulates
The fake life that slowly fades away

Here I’m nailed and I can only wait
Do I feel my strength return?
I can hear the voices call
Distorted images reflect on the wall
It’s the danger of the clock
Walkwithme  
16 Feb 2012 14:20 | Quote
Joined: 08 Feb 2012
United States
Licks: 5
Karma: 4
dude ur freikin good at lyrics holy crap haha u should sell them!!


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