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Suffering from a musical desire/dilemna...

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shredguitar17  
1 Jun 2011 03:23 | Quote
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
United States
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Hey everyone... ive seldom been on this site, and have barely played any music (let alone listen to it) in the past year. I feel as if I have been abusing music... I now have some down time here and there but I find that guitar isn't amusing me as it use to these past 10 years. For about 2 years before now, I was dabbling in piano and drums... loving every minute of it especially drums. My best friend of 11 years had a drum set, and we had a "little" band in which I went from lead guitarist to drums due to some freak act of nature, I was a natural at drums. I was even playing a few tool songs with ease, and towards the last years learning Neil Pert stuff. My dilemna is that I was down in out for about a year with my job and responsibilities of having my own place with rent and a dog... and now I want the music and band back. Problem is, I got in a terrible fight with my friend in which he called me some unpolite things and I pummeled him... I blacked out and saw him bleeding in the face running (trust me, he had no right to call me out mutually as he did... I DIDN'T OVERREACT). niether of us has said sorry due to our pride (I believe strongly all a man has is his pride, even if it means he has to DIE for it). I really don't want to show weakness and apologize... I don't really believe in the "better" man BS. SO I guess my question is, how can I go about reconnecting with either my friend? Is the music worth the hassle? I know I can only ask myself this... but I just want some opinions on what you would do.
btimm  
1 Jun 2011 09:49 | Quote
Joined: 14 Dec 2009
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WARNING: Posting a thread like this may result in many posts you don't like and/or agree with. If you don't want to read criticism of your thought process, stop reading now.

First of all, that is awesome that you are enjoying playing the drums so much! Music is music and I think all people here can appreciate someone's passion for music, regardless of what the instrument is. I think that guitar here is the common connection for these forum members, but I know one of the most enjoyable pieces of music I listen to from forum members here is actually the piano playing of jazzmaverick. So keep on with the drumming!

Okay, on to the thoughts here ...

shredguitar17 says:
...called me some unpolite things and I pummeled him... I blacked out and saw him bleeding in the face running (trust me, he had no right to call me out mutually as he did... I DIDN'T OVERREACT.


Yes you did. Physical altercations never ever solve a problem and only compound the situation. If it's that bad, walk away and never speak to the person again, plain and simple. Both parties are likely very wrong in this specific scenario.

shredguitar17 says:
niether of us has said sorry due to our pride (I believe strongly all a man has is his pride, even if it means he has to DIE for it).


I can't disagree more. Pride is one of the things that is a huge obstacle for most people in seeing things in life clearly. It is completely different to be proud of something you have accomplished versus having pride in yourself. Pride has been the downfall of many people and it's not the only thing a man has, it is really just an ignorant self-importance.

shredguitar17 says:
I really don't want to show weakness and apologize...


It's not weakness to apologize. It is actually maturity. When people can understand they are wrong, then apologies happen and can rectify bad situations. I have been married for 4 years tomorrow, and I have apologized to my wife many times, because I know I was wrong and I do feel badly for my poor choice of actions or words. She has apologized to me as well. It is how peopel learn and improve on themselves. Understand you can make a mistake, show remorse, and improve. This is something you need to learn in life.

shredguitar17 says:
Is the music worth the hassle


I think there are other issues you need to resolve here before thinking about music. But I think if you have to ask yourself this question, you already know the answer.
MoshZilla1016  
1 Jun 2011 10:11 | Quote
Joined: 10 Jul 2010
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^^^^^^^ +1
DanielM  
1 Jun 2011 10:37 | Quote
Joined: 11 Apr 2011
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Make that +2.

Everyone in my life who has lashed out at someone violently because of a disagreement has either regretted it or is basically the sort of person that would hit someone for looking at them funny.

As for pride I've had a few fallings out with friends and it's only been resolved when all parties put aside any feelings of pride and admitted they were both in the wrong.

No one likes to admit they're an idiot so surely it's stronger rather than weaker to go up to someone and say, "I've been a complete and utter douchebag sorry" and not know if they are just gonna say "yea you have been >!"$!" or instead say "me too ".

Just my two cents.

Oh and paragraphs please I lost my place in that wall of text at least twice. Jus' sayin'.
gshredder2112  
1 Jun 2011 11:00 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2010
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hmm,I agree with btimm.EXCEPT! for when he says physical altercatins dont solve anything.Think.back to feudal japan, the old west,even 18th century Europe,when someone argued with someone else,they fought,for their honor and integrity.If they decided to be the bigger man back in those days,and turned around and walked away,They would have got shot in the back or sliced.

Now im not sayin that fighting is a plausible answer too all situations,but in a dispute where both parties mutually hate one another,they should fight/box get it out of there system,and be done with it.
Just my opion.
\M/(*-+)
gs2112
tinyskateboard  
1 Jun 2011 11:25 | Quote
Joined: 28 Apr 2010
United States
Karma: 11
I used to drum and had a falling out with the guitarist, one of my best friends. We never spoke again.

If you don't even know if apologizing will make things better, and you really don't want to anyway, don't apologize. Find something new to do and write angry songs about him.
btimm  
1 Jun 2011 11:37 | Quote
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gshredder2112 says:
hmm,I agree with btimm.EXCEPT! for when he says physical altercatins dont solve anything.Think.back to feudal japan, the old west,even 18th century Europe,when someone argued with someone else,they fought,for their honor and integrity.If they decided to be the bigger man back in those days,and turned around and walked away,They would have got shot in the back or sliced.

Now im not sayin that fighting is a plausible answer too all situations,but in a dispute where both parties mutually hate one another,they should fight/box get it out of there system,and be done with it.
Just my opion.


We don't live in any of those times, so that is kinda moot. Also, I am not sure it solved much, someone usually died in those circumstances, I hardly view that as a solution.

I also don't think that when two people hate each other they should fight to get it out of their system. Again, what has been solved or rectified? You got out your anger and caused physical pain to another person? Making yourself feel better by causing pain to another person is never acceptable, nor will it succeed in solving anything.
gshredder2112  
1 Jun 2011 12:05 | Quote
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Yet what is footBall? What is hockey?How bout boxing? you hate the opposing team,you want to inflict damage to them. Does solve anything? But we hurt other humans for money and entertainment purposes.And yet its not ok to fight to solve an issue.I know your a hockey,So you see first hand how the fight now,and its over thing works.
btimm  
1 Jun 2011 12:31 | Quote
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We can agree to disagree. :o)
BodomBeachTerror  
1 Jun 2011 12:45 | Quote
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btimm says:
We can agree to disagree. :o)


Unfortunately most people can't, which is the reason for every war ever.

If the only reason you want to be friends with him is so you can play music I think you have horribly misplaced priorities. I don't think being friends should ever (and I mean EVERRRR) should be about you, if you just are thinking about yourself all the time, why on earth would he even WANT to be friends with you.

I don't mean to sound like a douche, but its true, the human ego is a huge thing, and if you can't control it, it WILL control you
Empirism  
1 Jun 2011 13:06 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
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Great post btimm. Pride...first, you have to define, what you have done or what are your deeds that you even should have a pride. Because Pride, have two sides and its not just happen to be in you just because you are borned to male.

@Gs2

yeah, there is a point, but as btimm said, we are not living in those times.. :P. You also cant take boxing or hockey as an example to this, because... Its a sport. Its meant to be like that.

Emp
gshredder2112  
1 Jun 2011 13:25 | Quote
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@emp boxing is a perfect example! Your fighting for honor and pride of winning the world title.your hurting someone else for your own gain.Even though its a sport,you cant deny the physical harm.your placing on another human.
BodomBeachTerror  
1 Jun 2011 13:34 | Quote
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Most sportsmen have a high respect for eachother though, in boxing you don't punch the guy because you hate him, its just boxing
gshredder2112  
1 Jun 2011 13:39 | Quote
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BB,Have you ever seen a boxing promo?They talk so much smack to each other,its not even funny.
btimm  
1 Jun 2011 13:46 | Quote
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Gshred, I think you have missed the point when I said violence doesn't solve problems. I don't think sports is even a fair comparison tbh. There is no problem between people in sports where they are trying to solve via violence - they are simply competing in their sport.

Have you ever heard caused pain to someone before and felt that it solved the problem? Or did you simply feel like you "got even"?
gshredder2112  
1 Jun 2011 14:06 | Quote
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Life is a competition.Agression is agression,anyway you slice it.
btimm  
1 Jun 2011 14:19 | Quote
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Life is not a competition. I don't view it that way and don't treat it that way. When I spend time with my kids, playing with them and teaching them, who am I competing with? When I spend some time enjoying a nice dinner with my wife, who am I comepting with? When I play my guitar in my house and enjoy trying to learn a nice jazz ballad, who am I competing with? When I watch a TV show, who am I competing with? It's not a competition gshred.

In all honesty, I hope you will try to think about this and hopefully realize this, because I feel you will enjoy more out of your life if you just try and enjoy the time you have here with people you care about, doing things you love to do. I don't mean this in any way other than to help as well. :o)
tinyskateboard  
1 Jun 2011 14:20 | Quote
Joined: 28 Apr 2010
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gshredder2112 says:
Life is a competition.Agression is agression,anyway you slice it.


This is what ego centered people think. Poor sad people.

The sports analogies are pretty far off base for this discussion. The OP is prideful and that's what the problem is.

As a great debater you (gs212) should know that the win is not the point, it's to express views in a logical format, to come to a consensus. Where's the agression in that?
gshredder2112  
1 Jun 2011 14:34 | Quote
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You both make a valid point.I have a different life then you guys.So i shouldnt push my points on you.My life is a competition,Im constantly striving for the best grades in class,to be better than than average musician,not just an average player.To impress my analytical family.So i guess i should have phrased it MY Life is a competition.As far as the fighting thing goes,some people are just born with the fight/pride mindset,Theres no changing them,so.ill.support there choices,because i cant change em.
tinyskateboard  
1 Jun 2011 15:25 | Quote
Joined: 28 Apr 2010
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Shred2112: that not competition you are describing. That's discipline and focus. Competition would mean you would need someone to lose for you to win.

And yes you can change a fighting ** into a lover, I should know. I used to get angry at things that no longer bother me in the same way. I got beat down once as a result of getting angry, and it taught me to chill.

There is also a difference between friendly competition and unfriendly competition. It's eaiser to excel when you are relaxed.
gshredder2112  
1 Jun 2011 15:30 | Quote
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I gueess so.
DanielM  
2 Jun 2011 01:50 | Quote
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Lifes not a competition, it's a game.

A game like pacman, everybody loses in the end but if you get some good pills and eat fruit you have a better life :)
shredguitar17  
2 Jun 2011 02:27 | Quote
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
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Thanks for everyones input... I was extremely drunk when I posted this... I am extremely embarrassed. I guess I just haven't had anyone to talk to about this stuff for a while... and since I was drunk, hadn't had an outlet for anger and stress for a LONG TIME, I got smashed and started ranting sorry. I don't think me and my friend will ever get over our fight... we both were in the wrong. But I can't trust him anymore needless to say. I will get a drumset soon and be able to get back to what I truly love... music. It is my best friend and is always there :)
shredguitar17  
2 Jun 2011 02:39 | Quote
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
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BTW... Life for me is to excel at every stage possible, grow to self, and be content. I am a polysolopsist (everyone has their own perception on what reality is: good vs evil, delicious vs disgusting, hot vs ugly) I believe there is no unified anything, even in physics. But thats way off topic and I could go on with that.

Just to explain the friend situation: He is a stoner (i use some drugs too but no like him) who I am learning is very selfish due to his nurtured upbringings (he had a rich life with little consequences for his actions). So one day we were fighting over rent... he hadn't paid his half. I threatened to sign my name off the lease if he couldn't pay his half since I could barely afford to pay mine every month with no help from my family (he could easily get money from his family). So he got my Girlfriend at the time to break up with me and he started spreading roomers to my close friends saying I was going to leave denver and escape from paying rent and blackmail him (seriously no exaggeration on that people!). So I SNAPPED and nearly broke his nose and jaw bone... now I never have been to prison, punched anyone let along slap someone. I guess it was the combination of anger, and previous situations with him in which I couldn't control my spite and anger towards him anymore. I will never apologize... what harm, stress, poignance and loneliness (loss of a group of good friends and my ex girlfriend) he put me through, I can't even think of his name without pure rage and a deep uncontrollable fire filling my clear mind... whoa. This could make a good song, I guess out of bad comes good.


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