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Best song I've ever written - "Crowns"

Songwriting
baseballer02  
26 Jul 2010 17:55 | Quote
Joined: 27 Dec 2009
United States
Karma: 2

This song is called "Crowns" and is in my opinion, the best, most complete song I've ever written! Please Help me make it even better!


Intro:
Im cloud nine.
Drifting away on a wayward cloud.
Reach my hands up
And touch the sky.

Chorus 1:
But the cloud Im on
Opens from beneath.
The rain comes on
Drowning all
Somehow the storm wins the sky!

Verse 1:
A lightning bolt
Makes all of the children bolt.
I love this feeling
Of powerful grace

Verse 2:
From on my cloud
I see all the playful faces
Crammed up to the window panes.
Oh, God how I love to make it rain
Over their parades

Break 1:
Im cloud nine!
Drifting away on a storming cloud.
Reach my hands up,
And feel my crown.

Verse 3:
From on my cloud
Im dismayed to see a smile,
On your pretty face like porcelain.
Dont you hate the way it rains?
Only I can love this rain!

Chorus 2:
Sulk from the cloud Im on.
I feel a little rage,
How dare you smile,
Unless you join me?
You and I could wear our crowns as we rule the sky!

Verse 4:
From on our cloud
We sit high and dry above the crowd
Looking down on a world so loud,
Yet, we sit high and dry,
And we dont hear a sound!

Break 2:
Were cloud nine!
Drifting away on a storming cloud.
Reach our hands up,
And feel the crowns.

Verse 5:
From on our cloud
Im dismayed to see a frown,
On your pretty face like porcelain.
Do you hate the way it rains?
Rains over their parades?

Chorus 3:
So from the cloud were on,
She says
How dare you smile?
Look at the pain you caused!
She took the crown from off her head, and jumped from the sky!

Verse 6:
From on my cloud
I lean over and watch the Earth.
Watch her fall for what its worth
Heading towards home and hearth.
Heading towards rebirth

Break 3:
No longer cloud nine!
Drifting away on a weary cloud.
I take my crown off,
And place it next to hers.

Verse 7:
From on my cloud!
My newly forsaken cloud!
I stare at our crowns
I stare with wonderment
Wondering what they ever meant?

Chorus 4:
One last time from the cloud Im on.
I smile a different one.
I take one breath
And then Im gone
Over the edge, now Im falling through the sky.
Forget these crowns, man Im heading home.
Mistaluke  
26 Jul 2010 18:09 | Quote
Joined: 23 Mar 2010
Karma: 11
thats a long song try adding some beats naturaly to me songs dont look appealing when written i like to hear it xD
But i like some of the lyrics!
AlexB  
27 Jul 2010 00:03 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Mexico
Licks: 2
Karma: 23
are you doing prog rock?
baseballer02  
27 Jul 2010 01:45 | Quote
Joined: 27 Dec 2009
United States
Karma: 2
AlexB says:
are you doing prog rock?


What is prog rock?
AlexB  
27 Jul 2010 02:12 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Mexico
Licks: 2
Karma: 23
dream theater? rush? ELP? Neal Morse? prog rock is a whole vast new world
baseballer02  
27 Jul 2010 13:00 | Quote
Joined: 27 Dec 2009
United States
Karma: 2
well I dont really like metal and hard rock, and I know that for the most part dream theather and rush fit that label. This song sounds is supposed to have either a Rise Against feel or maybe even a Sublime feel.. I have two options for the music I put to it.


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