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Anyone know any good music theory jokes?

Music Theory
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guitarmastergod  
23 Jun 2010 09:07 | Quote
Joined: 09 Sep 2008
Canada
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im not, that means im not playing it.
GuitarGeorge  
23 Jun 2010 09:35 | Quote
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- What does a guitar have in common with an eviction?
- Everyone except for the guitarist is happy when the case is closed!

;)
Jemba  
12 Jul 2010 13:54 | Quote
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This is really bad:
Q. Why is a Bassist really like the Bass?
A. You can't them without "a$s"
macandkanga  
12 Jul 2010 14:43 | Quote
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
United States
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I made these up so beware!

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change an E string?
A. One. But the string has to WANT to change.

A guitarist, a bassist and a drummer walk into a bar. The bartender says "ALL YOU MOTHERF***ERS GET OUT!"

Q. How many Mexicans does it take to change an E string?
A. Juan

Q. How are The Bangels like a circus?
A. A circus is a cunning array of stunts!

Thank you. I'll be here all week.
Ozzfan486  
13 Jul 2010 03:42 | Quote
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AlexB  
13 Jul 2010 07:38 | Quote
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Yay a racist mexican joke

Ozz...HAHAHA!!
macandkanga  
14 Jul 2010 11:08 | Quote
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
United States
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@AlexB, I know that joke is a racial joke but I wouldnt call it a racist joke. I'm definetely not a racist! I'm a mixed breed myself. I'm French, Spanish, African American, and Native American. I could be made fun of all day! Just as long as it is not mean spririted.

Anyways, if I offended you I appoligize. I sound like Mel Gibson!
AlexB  
14 Jul 2010 16:17 | Quote
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haha no problem man
Guitarslinger124  
16 Jul 2010 01:39 | Quote
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
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Moderator
Well, these aren't "theory" jokes...

Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A: A new age song.

After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.

Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."

"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?"

"That you kill me first."


Q: What do you call a male quartet?
A: Three men and a tenor.

Q: How do you know when a drum solo's really bad?
A: The bass player notices.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.

There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up?

The drummer who keeps bad time. The other drummer doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway.



«Rock on!»
Guitarslinger124  
16 Jul 2010 01:47 | Quote
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
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Moderator
...And not for some "theory" jokes...


Q:why did the pianist go to jail?

A: he fingered A minor


Q: Why did the 5th leave the army?

A: he knew he would never be a Major


The new 'Theory Of Relativity':

E = Fb

A little extension of the original:
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says:
"Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C
and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the
fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries
to augment the situation, but is not sharp
enough.

D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying,
"Excuse me, I'll just be a second." Then an A comes into the bar,
but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a
minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and
exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this
bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next
night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender
(who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized)
says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a
major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and
everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under
a rest.
The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the
diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without
Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C
is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all
accusations to the contrary are bassless.

«Rock on!»
macandkanga  
16 Jul 2010 11:55 | Quote
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
United States
Karma: 21
A guy sits down at a bar and looks next to him and there's this tiny little guy about 12 inches tall playing a miniature piano. He's amazed and says to the guy sitting there "Hey, where did you get that?!" He says "from a genie out back who will grant you one wish but I think he's deaf!" "Why do you say that?" The guy says, "Do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?!"
harleyofdoom  
27 Oct 2010 11:24 | Quote
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Q: What do a Fender Strat and a bottle of Viagra have in common?
A: The both make you rock hard

Q: Whats the difference between Justin Bieber and Jimi Hendrix?
A: Talent

Q: What do Justin Bieber and an oil spill have in common?
A: Spewing vile garbage into the world.

Ok not really "theory" jokes but there ya go

...

i have more Justin Bieber material but it starts to get a bit harsh after those
harleyofdoom  
27 Oct 2010 11:39 | Quote
Joined: way back
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ok one more

Q: What’s the difference between Justin Bieber and jamming an ice-pick into both your ears?

A: one will make you deaf and probably retarded the other is probably retarded and will make you wish you were deaf.
Reinhardt  
2 Nov 2010 03:59 | Quote
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South Africa
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More more more ;D
coleman  
4 Nov 2010 15:06 | Quote
Joined: 10 May 2009
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my aural theory teacher talks about dorian solfege being a small la-te do,re,me,fa,sol,la,te,do and mixolydian being a large la-te do,re,mi,fa,sol,la,te,do i know its not funny sorry
gshredder2112  
3 Feb 2011 15:14 | Quote
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hh
guitarmastergod  
3 Feb 2011 16:29 | Quote
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i dont know if this have been told on this thread before but if they have sorry, i stole them from a different site lol

Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them

What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
Throw him his amp.

this isnt even to do with music but i laughed

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides to test it dinner.

DAD:Son,where were u today during school hours?
SON:at School.
Robot slaps son!
Ok,I lied, I went to the movies.
DAD:Which one?
SON:Toy Story.
Robot slaps son again!
Ok, it was porn.
DAD:What?! When I was ur age,I didn't even know what porn was
Robot slaps Dad!
MOM:forgive him dear, after all he's ur son.
Robot slaps mom! :O

What is a I chord's favorite beverage?

A: Tonic.

why couldn't Beethoven find his teacher?
'cause he was Haydn!!
(hiding)

What do you get when you drop a piano on a military base?

A-flat major.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A-flat minor.

Q: Why do bagpipe players march?

A: It's harder to shoot a moving target.






nullnaught  
3 Feb 2011 16:58 | Quote
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that slapping robot was great.
gshredder2112  
3 Feb 2011 17:33 | Quote
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i agree with nuulnaught epic joke
MoshZilla1016  
3 Feb 2011 17:51 | Quote
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@GMG that's a good one.
Mistaluke  
3 Feb 2011 22:32 | Quote
Joined: 23 Mar 2010
Karma: 11
Ok, This one is kind of a test to see if you have a dirty mind....
'Today I broke the G string while fingering A Minor'
?
It was a guitar Joke So I thought I would post it.
SO Yep. Did anyone get the wrong impression the first time they read that?
BodomBeachTerror  
3 Feb 2011 22:43 | Quote
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Canada
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Only because i knew it was supposed to be a dirty joke haha
BodomBeachTerror  
5 Feb 2011 20:45 | Quote
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nullnaught  
5 Feb 2011 20:54 | Quote
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I like the drummers way of changing a light bulb.
gshredder2112  
5 Feb 2011 21:37 | Quote
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whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?you can tune a guitar but you cant tune a fish!!
nullnaught  
5 Feb 2011 22:38 | Quote
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@ gshredder2112------Somehow that strikes me as cute.
gshredder2112  
5 Feb 2011 22:58 | Quote
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"oh um idk" thanks????
guitarmastergod  
6 Feb 2011 00:25 | Quote
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@bbt

i cant see that image, could you just tell me what to look up on google :D
BodomBeachTerror  
6 Feb 2011 00:30 | Quote
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search "i'll be bach"
nullnaught  
6 Feb 2011 03:59 | Quote
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@ gshredder2112---YOur welcome????
coleman  
6 Feb 2011 13:14 | Quote
Joined: 10 May 2009
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just made a realization that the theory in the first joke is wrong:) i am a nerd..
gshredder2112  
6 Feb 2011 13:23 | Quote
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ah um no.
guitarmastergod  
6 Feb 2011 14:13 | Quote
Joined: 09 Sep 2008
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coleman is right... an F tries to augment a C and a Gb? that makes no sense. also it says the fifth is diminished and the g is out flat, the g is the fifth, so it sounds like ledzepprox brought anthor note into the equation. how would a diminished fifth make an augmented chord? HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!

Sorry lol

C augmented
C-E-G#
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