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My first song (outline, no vid cam :( )

Songwriting
Domigan_Lefty  
23 Dec 2009 10:43 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8
By: DL
Title: Hell on earth
Genre: Metal

I sit all alone, waiting for the right time. That * must die, he cannot live. Raping, killing, desecrating our lives.

[Chorus] This place is a hell on earth, turning the smoothest of men, into vile criminals. Its satans hometown, its all your worst fears rolled into one.

I fly from above, and force him down. I call to my pets, those rabid beasts. Hungry as *,Nothing is left but a red stain.

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus]

[End with bass/synth]

Ugh, makes me shiver.
fender_bender  
23 Dec 2009 11:11 | Quote
Joined: 09 Oct 2009
United States
Karma: 5
Metal and synth, huh? Interesting. Looks like the subject of this song is in deep trouble! lol.
Domigan_Lefty  
23 Dec 2009 11:27 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8
Any suggestions are welcome. I dont usually write lyrics, but when i do they come out dark and/or twisted.
Usually about criminals and them being executed.

@Fender Bender: Yup, i cant do a song with out some kind or synth or keyboard effect.
Domigan_Lefty  
23 Dec 2009 12:26 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8

Light whammying. Phaser Effect?
E--12-----16-------18--------------22-------19-------------------------
B----------------------------18--------------------------19-18---------------
G---------------------------------------------------------------------151515151616161617171717181818181919191920202021212121222222222323232324
D---------------------
A---------------------
E---------------------
solo?
Schecter_player  
23 Dec 2009 19:41 | Quote
Joined: 12 Jul 2009
Canada
Karma: 3
seems short, but i don't know what kind of phrasing or tempo you would use.
Domigan_Lefty  
23 Dec 2009 20:09 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8
I actually added more. Alot more. But my computer is broken, so im using my psp internet, which has a character limit. And i wrote another song.

When i wake up ill pull my songbook back out and update the thread.

Btw, it is kinda slow. With all my changes its a 4-5 minute song.
Domigan_Lefty  
24 Dec 2009 06:37 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8
V1: Im sitting all alone on this rooftop, waiting for just the right time. He must be destroyed, he cannot be allowed to live. That Rapist, Murderer, hes a desecration to my society.
[Chorus] This place is hell on earth, it turns the smoothest of men into the vilest of criminals. They once called it the land of sunshine, the sun shines no more, and its all your worst fears rolled into one big sick package.
V2: I see him walk to my alley, Now is the time for attack! I fly from above, land right on his spine
Domigan_Lefty  
24 Dec 2009 06:43 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8
I release my pets, those rabid beasts. They hunger for flesh, thex leave nothing but another red stain
[Solo]
[Chorus]
V3: This place is a little better now. That foul beast is gone. I have avenged that womans daughter, i expect nothing in return. I leave back to my rooftop. I am the police, the rest have left, they could never stand the heat...
[chorus]
V4: [Strictly instrumental]
[Outro] Bass/synth
DarkRiff  
25 Dec 2009 20:36 | Quote
Joined: 18 Mar 2008
United States
Licks: 2
Karma: 12
no offense but it sounds like you got some issues righting lyrics like that...You know Metal isn't
all about death and destruction, It can have a message just like any other song. Now i'm not saying
completely change the words...just make them less harsh.
Domigan_Lefty  
25 Dec 2009 20:57 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8
Yea, with my new guitar, and the way it sounds and how i Whammy, it sounds more alternative/rock.
fender_bender  
28 Dec 2009 09:25 | Quote
Joined: 09 Oct 2009
United States
Karma: 5
I have always wondered about Metal music and the death and destruction mentality. Not all metal is like that, but a lot of it is. Why the skulls and mummy like things adorning the covers of the albums? I guess it would be weird to have music that heavy with the lyrics talking about blue skies and butterflies. Hey! That rhymes! I think I just made a new song and genre! I'll call it fuzzy metal. The music is metal, but the lyrics make you feel warm and fuzzy. Wait. Whats that? It won't work? aaawwww maaaaaan....
Musical_Magic  
1 Jan 2010 16:16 | Quote
Joined: 29 May 2008
United States
Karma
@DL

Seems good, Is it death metal or melodic?


@ Fender_Bender

Thank you for the idea! Fuzzy metal - That'll give them a laugh im sure!
Domigan_Lefty  
2 Jan 2010 08:38 | Quote
Joined: 20 Sep 2009
United States
Karma: 8
Ill tell you when i find a vocalist. :)
If i sing it would probably be melodic though. But i dont sing too often.


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