new transposer      circle of 5ths    wap


Any advice? xx.

Songwriting
xjessx  
2 Sep 2009 13:20 | Quote
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
United Kingdom
Karma
Hi i'm new here and this is my first attempt at writing songs, so any advice will be great even if you think its crap. The song's about a someone who I lost last November and I loved him like an uncle. So let me know what you think and I'll try to improve it Thanks xx.
Not sure on the 3rd verse. Any ideas??????????

'Hole in my heart'



verse 1: I still miss you with tears in my eyes,
And ohoo my heart still cries.
But why did you have to go and leave me on a low.

chorus: Coz there's a hole in my heart,
That is waiting to be filled.
And there's a hole in my heart
That just needs to be healed.
Oh, baby my life's not the same without you,
Sooo please come back yeah.

verse 2: Ooooh, the times we had together, yeah, they were so strong,
I remember your warm smile, that smile that never seemed to fade.



AlexB  
2 Sep 2009 13:51 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Mexico
Licks: 2
Karma: 23
Sounds Cool,Simple yet Powerfull,i Cant give any advice since im Really Bad At Lyrics,but i can sure appreciate some good ones!
Guitarslinger124  
2 Sep 2009 15:52 | Quote
Joined: 25 Jul 2007
United States
Lessons: 12
Licks: 42
Karma: 38
Moderator
I like it. Naturally I'm listeing to it in my head with an Eyes Set To Kill kinda vibe (that's a band by the way). So coming form that direction, at this point in the song, I can imagine the guitars picking up the rhythm a bit and the vocals becoming much more exaggerated and emotional...Just my one cent. However, not unlike Alex, I am vocally challenged :) Rock on.
J05H  
2 Sep 2009 20:13 | Quote
Joined: 04 May 2009
United States
Karma: 1
sounds good but what i like to do is try not to use the words "baby" and "ooooooooooOoOoh" to me they are just really stoopid no offense but they are just fillers and they lack creativity but the rest is really good! it just needs to be touched up cuz i think some syllables are off.


ps ....the only song that used the word "ooooooooh" and sounded good was 'goodbye blue sky' by pink floyd
BodomBeachTerror  
2 Sep 2009 20:18 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
the chorus almost sounded like a praise/worship song, then the word baby came in, then it sounded like a crappy pop song to me. no offense to your lyrics, just the type of music i hear when i read this

putting that aside, try lengthening your verses, it could turn out to be a hit single
JazzMaverick  
2 Sep 2009 20:22 | Quote
Joined: 28 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
Lessons: 24
Licks: 37
Karma: 47
Moderator
@ Jo5h, everyone has different tastes, and I think it's pretty nice to have a new genre rise into this forum. No one dives into this style here apart from her which is great! Yet you don't hear her saying your lyrics are stupid, do you?

Welcome to the site Jess, and hope you stick around. We could do with all the genre mixes we can get! Your lyrics are like an ore, waiting to be shaped and polished into something grand. Keep it up!
Phip  
2 Sep 2009 21:30 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
@ Jess,
Oh boy, a chance to play with some lyrics! You are off to a good start. I find it helpful to keep "working" my lyrics until I get that gut feeling that everyhing fits and I can't say what I want to covey any better. Sometimes that process takes months. Usually I don't delete anything until i'm done. Sometimes i make multiple sets of lyrics and steal lines from one and put it into another. I make notes to myself in different color fonts and somethimes i make an outline of how i think the song should progress so I don't lose track of the theme. Sometimes i take the end of a sentence and put it at the beginning (I did that this time). It's all about getting the thoughts down on paper and then organizing and editing. It's fun actually and sometimes frustrating, but when you get it right it's quite a rush!
Having been around for a while I have lost some special people too so I tried to take what you have and mix it with my own thoughts and I hope you don't mind but this is what came to me. Maybe you'll find some ideas in these words. Keep writing and playing with words and always try and keep it "real"; straight from the heart....

Even when my tears donít fall
And Iím too tired to feel anything at all
If you can hear me I just want you to know
I still miss you
I still feel you

Coz thereís a hole in my heart that only you can fill
And until we meet again it can never heal
Cold and lonely, I face tomorrow
Missing you only, I face the sorrow
And it isnít fair
Why are you not here?

When I close my eyes we still laugh again
Sharing dreams until the day came to an end
How do I survive without my best friend?
Iíll always miss you
Iíll always feel you

When youíre not here


Phip
telecrater  
2 Sep 2009 22:40 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
United States
Lessons: 8
Karma: 13
Hey Jess,

very nice start I would keep working on it and don't be afraid to re-wright parts.

Your style seems a little more like pop and may be slightly misunderstood by some of the member here. Don't get discourage keep working on it.

My first song was sooooo bad, i like to think they have gotten better
AlexB  
2 Sep 2009 23:39 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Mexico
Licks: 2
Karma: 23
Yeah Pop Is Cool,if you like it stick to it!!
Heather  
3 Sep 2009 05:13 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
Licks: 2
Karma: 19
Hey Jess, glad to see you decided to join!

These are good lyrics, I remember some outcomes of my early song writing didn't come out so well. I agree with Tele this sounds like it's going to fit into the pop genre. You like Miley Cyrus don't you? I think her genre is pop, so that's good for you!

Keep working on them, don't ever be afraid to give them some editing. That's just what makes some good lyrics great ones.
xjessx  
3 Sep 2009 11:23 | Quote
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
United Kingdom
Karma
Thanks everyone for your advice and yeah im into pop music. I will improve it the best I can. Im really grateful to have support coz as you can tell its my first attempt :P.
J05H  
3 Sep 2009 21:42 | Quote
Joined: 04 May 2009
United States
Karma: 1
no no no i didnt mean it lyk thati meant to say thay could use work

i was sick and my mom put me on sleeping medacine and i didnt know alot of what i did or said
xjessx  
4 Sep 2009 06:42 | Quote
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
United Kingdom
Karma
No, dont worry about it, what i meant is i'll take in the advice and work on some of the lyrics. So dont worry about it.
Afro_Raven  
4 Sep 2009 07:59 | Quote
Joined: way back
United Kingdom
Lessons: 1
Karma: 20
Moderator
J05H says:
i was sick and my mom put me on sleeping medacine and i didnt know alot of what i did or said


???
J05H  
4 Sep 2009 09:19 | Quote
Joined: 04 May 2009
United States
Karma: 1
@ afro

i drank lyk half a bottle of that purple stuff that drugs u up and makes you sleep really good i forgot what its called... SH!T i cant remember wat its called... i think its called robetusen P.M. the kind that has the alcohol in it not that wussy kid stuff
Heather  
4 Sep 2009 09:40 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
Licks: 2
Karma: 19
Hmm...what an...interesting...conversation this has become :P
xjessx  
4 Sep 2009 10:41 | Quote
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
United Kingdom
Karma
'''Hmm...what an...interesting...conversation this has become :P'''


Haha :P
AlexB  
4 Sep 2009 10:47 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Mexico
Licks: 2
Karma: 23
Uh???!
J05H  
4 Sep 2009 18:09 | Quote
Joined: 04 May 2009
United States
Karma: 1
i feel sorry for the people who just entered the conversation

and to xjessx im sorry thats not wat i meant before
xjessx  
5 Sep 2009 06:24 | Quote
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
United Kingdom
Karma
please dont worry, its ok :) xx.


Copyright © 2004-2017 All-Guitar-Chords.com. All rights reserved.