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guys.. this is personal

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soy.el.che  
14 Feb 2009 00:07 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
i know this shouldnt be at the forums, but.. i had 2 do it, i trust this community, n i need all the help i can get

this is drivin me crazy.
you might know i broke up like a month. ago she broke up with me on the phone and didnt told me why. i tried to speak to her the days affter, but she always said she was busy. i was told by a friend that she didnt wanted too talk. so, i tryin no to pressure her stopped insistin. that and my pride (im not sure if thats the word) made it a month till i talked with her again. she toold me she just didnt looked at me the way she did before.. the problem started when i went on vacations with my family for 3 weeks, and then i came back. she gave me that call a week later...
i ignored it 4 a month lyin to myself sayin i would dig another chick n forget about her. but i just... im in love with the girl, n i need to go back n date her again.. i need it. i need help to plan how am i goin 2 get her to love me again.. im really sick bout it
RelaxedDude  
14 Feb 2009 00:36 | Quote
Joined: 26 May 2008
United States
Licks: 2
Karma: 3
Man, I got ya

Well, why dont you try to still be friends with her? I know thats bad advice, but if you do still try to be friends then you will be able to be with her alot (even if its not dating) and maybe in the future she will see that your a nice guy and want to be with you again
BodomBeachTerror  
14 Feb 2009 00:42 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
this kinda happened to me a little while ago, altho we couldnt stop talking, we tried, we started talking a day later. but yeah, were now really good friends so its possible, altho she still likes me, she just is confused cuz she likes other guys. so maybe she just doesnt think its the same because she likes someone else too. give her time. maybe she'll come back to you
shredguitar17  
14 Feb 2009 02:25 | Quote
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 7
All I can tell you is that its not to be. If you have tried all you got to getting back with her, she isn't the one. She will come to you if she is, if not you will meet the right one.

I myself am just getting over a double edge sword; she was outgoing, beautiful, very intellegant and fun to say the least, her name is Peri. We had so much fun, and I was truly at my happiest when I was just talking to her on the phone. But I was an *, and I played the "dominant male role" because I thought such a georgeous girl would never like my personality. What I didn't realize, is that she did. So I got in arguments with her and we split apart because she wanted to be with me, but when she would ask who would be perfect for her, I would say my friend steve, because I thought she wasn't into me. But when steve and peri started going out, I called her some nasty names to say the least.

After that she tried to be friends with me, yet i was so angry (keep in mind I suggested that my friend steve and her to go out with each other) that i resisted. Then we went our seperate ways after an argument about how I treated her. During those long nights I would lose hours of sleep thinking of her (and still do, I know its lame)! Now after 5 months of not seeing her, I still want to just tell her I LOVE her. But she is with my friend steve, and she is happier than ever, which is all I hoped for. I still dream what it would be like if I just told her how I felt. I still talk to her on facebook and text her everyonce in a while. She goes to another college than me, so I can't see her.

But lesson learned here, is that we cannot put on "fasad's" (spelling?) we can't pretend to be what we are not, I know its very cliche, but it is true. Now I sit and wait for who I want to spend my life with. But it will be a while considering im only 19 hahaha. But I still date and stuff, but all of it seems empty.

I hope this helps.
Empirism  
14 Feb 2009 04:50 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
Lessons: 4
Karma: 35
soy.el.che says:
she toold me she just didnt looked at me the way she did before..!


Quite and cryptical isnt it? I can say I heard that again few times...
Well, there is something that you didnt did right. To figure out what it might be, when it comes to womens that are well...lets say complex at the times... you must get yourself to discuss with her...deeply. If you cant, shes gone and you must get over it. If you can, you should listen carefully what it is that you made wrong at her point of view.

soy.el.che says:
she gave me that call a week later...
i ignored it 4 a month lyin to myself sayin i would dig another chick n forget about her!


So you are not been touch with her for many weeks? am I right? You can use this time as an opportunity to tell that you are been thinking the two of you and "what you did wrong" (truth can be anything) but thing is that she feels that you are guilty so its time to put ego aside for a moment and tell her what she want to hear (in case you just cant love any other girl anymore and want to stick with her)

Just tell her that you want to try again? but first, ask her do SHE want to try again and promise to pay attention on her needs. Girls just are the way like that...they need attention.

How you get yourself to date with her, that I cant tell nor anyone else, its your thing, your style your ways... but I suggest you not use the phone, visit her.

Good luck m8.


Edit: And one thing... if you get yourself with talk her again, stay stay calm, do not arque with her anything... it helps things....again gl
soy.el.che  
14 Feb 2009 11:25 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
yeah... ive tried datin other girls n stuff, but, its just not good enough... prbly waht i did is that i barely called her when i was away... well, it was a time for being with my family, and, i never expected she would like ne to call her.. still, i know being friends with her will never work, at least 4 me... i dont know if i showed her that i felt really bad but it... but i dunno.. im makin a song for her, but i dont think thats enough.... she says she thought i wasnt in love with her, n i dont blame her, i never show my feelings to anyone, and if i did with someone it was her..... this is really drivin me crazy, i dont want her to feel pressure, but i really wanna go out with her again.. id do anythin fr her... so.
i wont give up on her

thnks a lot guys, really
ill be friendlier to her and ill try to date her n speak to her, and ill make a gig n then invite her.there ill play her song
HeavyGuitar  
14 Feb 2009 13:44 | Quote
Joined: 29 Jan 2009
Norway
Licks: 2
Karma: 2
To bad man:( i don't have alot of experience, but i think that u should just try to make her see that u care about her! Don't start asking her on a date. Start with being a friend. Talk to her like a friend and then when u feel that the friend thing works then start to flirt a little and so on. before u know u are back to together:)
Phip  
14 Feb 2009 16:52 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
Ah Soy I understand the pain.
Some advice from the old guy.....
Don't apologize for who you are. You can't "make" someone love you, either they do or they don't. Love isn't logical and you can't intellectualize it. Never change who you are or your code of ethics for someone else’s approval. Be who you are, that is and always should be good enough for your friends and lovers. If you see a fault in your personality and want to change it, fine, change it for your own sense of self, not because someone tells you to.

Here is what you can do....
Explain to her that you are sorry that she feels hurt by your behavior. Always acknowledge someone else’s feelings whether you think they are justified or not and let her know you are sorry that (not if) you caused her pain (simply because you ARE sorry).
Talk with her, not TO or AT her, but WITH her. Explain to her how you are and how you keep your feelings locked in. Tell her you would like to learn to express your feelings more outwardly and that you are working on it and if she would be willing to help you do that maybe you will be able to share with her the kind of relationship that will make you both happy. If she says no take a walk. Be sad, be hurt, but walk. Don't grovel or beg, someone who loved you wouldn't want to punish you that badly. So go quietly.

You see that word “acknowledge”? That is what she wants first from you. She wants you to know that she feels hurt. She doesn’t want a thousand excuses. That can come later. First she wants you to acknowledge that she is hurt! If you learn anything about relationships learn that! Practice these words “I am sorry that you feel pain. I don’t want to hurt you.” And you better MEAN it too. It is the very first thing that should come out of your mouth.

Someone who really cares about you will allow you to keep your dignity (with maybe just a wee bit of mandatory penance). Someone who wants to kick you when you are down is just plain mean. Do you really want to spend your days with someone like that? Many of you guys are making the transition from boys to men. Learn to be Good Men. Treat all people with respect and kindness (especially those you love) and as long as you conduct yourself as Good Men you should never have to apologize for being a man (that crap just makes me sick).
Your Uncle Phip
patleh  
14 Feb 2009 19:19 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
like i've said before screw relationships.
Ozzfan486  
14 Feb 2009 20:06 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
I'm going to have to agree with Pat. I can't stand them. Never working. I'm just friends with a lot of girls and I've been in relationships with two. The first is one of my best friends NOW, but after we split it was complete *** for about a year. The other one, well, yeah still complete *** right now. I'm just focusing full steam on my music. And its working fine.
patleh  
14 Feb 2009 21:04 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
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Karma: 8
don't get me wrong going on dates is cool, i just don't like to be attached, or labeled, to one person.
Littlewing  
14 Feb 2009 21:11 | Quote
Joined: 22 Sep 2008
United States
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shredguitar17 says:
I still want to just tell her I LOVE her

shredguitar17 says:
I still dream what it would be like if I just told her how I felt. I still talk to her on facebook and text her everyonce in a while


I'm in almost the exact situation except i'm in my 2nd year of Middle school :P. Damn, there's this girl that I like so much and she was into me, but I screwed it up big time. I always told her that she should be with my friend Kenny and thats exactly what happened. Now, like you ShredGuitar, we still talk on facebook and text but its just not the same.
ironman91313  
14 Feb 2009 22:10 | Quote
Joined: 18 Jun 2008
United States
Karma: 2
Listen buddy we are teenagers this *** happens all the time. Our love lives suck its that simple. They usually never work and we get attached. I know I should'nt really be one to say, due to the fact that I have little expeirience. Just take my word for it. I know this is probally the last thing you want to hear.

I had a girl that I thought liked me, she led me on. I have given my all to her but nothing. but I always had that little voice in my head that kept me up at night telling me that maybe there was a slight chance that she dug me too. IT WAS ONE OF THE WORST MONTHS OF MY LIFE.

I know your thinking "only a month" but if you were me thats all it takes. Im the kind of guy that will start to like any decent girl that gave me any attention. And I really really really though this was my break.

Sorry for the rant. Just saying teen years suck man. and If you read all this and went though or is in your teens you know this to be true.

so overall just go with the flow ride out these years and have fun, which hard to do in your situation with this woman. but im telling you nothing will take the pain away except time.
BodomBeachTerror  
14 Feb 2009 23:24 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
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Karma: 25
my gf broke up and got back together with me 5 times. one girl! it hurt so bad but.. w/e u know? if shes not the one, shes not the one, and ill eventually find the girl for me. same with you here, its ok to like her still, but dont just be obsessed with her, because then if u start liking another girl, it will be hard to let go
Ozzfan486  
15 Feb 2009 10:10 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
New definition for Irony - Remeber when I said the the other girl I was kinda with, we didn't talk anymore and it was complete "**"? She was on Myspace last night. I didn't know if she was mad or something or not. I decided I care way to little to even give a rat's bunghole anymore, so I messaged her. And we're cool again.

Ozz
Musical_Magic  
15 Feb 2009 11:03 | Quote
Joined: 29 May 2008
United States
Karma
Would if i could help...lol. havent gotten a girl before, so dont look at me! the only thing i could do is make a joke, in which i dont think your in the mood for
ironman91313  
16 Feb 2009 13:53 | Quote
Joined: 18 Jun 2008
United States
Karma: 2
hahhaa its cool man
macandkanga  
16 Feb 2009 15:00 | Quote
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
United States
Karma: 21
@soy.el.che,

It sounds like you are too serious about her. Girls don't like it when you love them too much and show them too much attention. Especially young girls. I know it sounds crazy but it's true.

My wife, before she was my girlfriend, wouldnt have anything to do with me when I was nice and called her all the time. Then, I started ignoring her and dating other girls. Then she became interested! I controlled the tempo of our relationship. That's what they want.

Girls like men. They don't like boys that flaunt all over them and try to explain their feelings to them and so on. They like guys that do what they want to do when and how they want to do it. It's a win win!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we should treat them like crap. I'm saying we should'nt let them treat us like crap! Treat them with respect but don't let them walk all over you.

I dont remember where I heard this but it's true: "If you want a woman to come to you, walk away from her".
ironman91313  
16 Feb 2009 16:23 | Quote
Joined: 18 Jun 2008
United States
Karma: 2
hmmmmm sounds crazy enough to WORK!!!
Ozzfan486  
16 Feb 2009 17:11 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
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True.
Afro_Raven  
17 Feb 2009 11:47 | Quote
Joined: way back
United Kingdom
Lessons: 1
Karma: 20
Moderator
This is an excellent reason to be bisexual - it doubles your chances of someone falling in love/sleeping with you.

Afro
BodomBeachTerror  
17 Feb 2009 11:50 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
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Karma: 25
true... but thats gross!
JazzMaverick  
17 Feb 2009 15:14 | Quote
Joined: 28 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
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Moderator
Afro, hahaha!

Anyway, it's exactly like MacandKanga said. It's suffocating if a guy is always trying to get my attention. I want to do my own things too. If the relationship/ friendship isn't monitored, then it's bound to fail. Staying so close to someone all the time makes it irritating for both in the end and you end up noticing so many flaws.

Depends on how distant you are though, and it also depends on the girl. We’re not all the same, but this one seems to want to control you, and probably a few others. Teenage years are confusing and emotions fly everywhere, but you have to look deep enough and find out if you’re really happy. And if there are more sad times then good, is it really worth it?
macandkanga  
17 Feb 2009 15:35 | Quote
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
United States
Karma: 21
And there ya have it Soy! Straight from a womans mouth. I would also like to point out though that this applies to men too. Guys are usually the ones chasing down girls but sometimes they chase us!

When I was young, a girl I really liked actually asked me out! We dated a few times and I soon realized that she was tooooo into me. Like Jazz said, it was suffocating!

When we are young, none of us know what we really want in anohter person anyways let alone ourselves. So when someone requires too much of our attention we get overwhelmed. As we get older, we get better at knowing what we want through trial and error and it gets easier.

I hope all of this helps and does'nt confuse you. Just make sure you're enjoying the relationships you are in. If they are too much work, it's not worth it. And no matter how you feel about yourself, YOU are worth it!
Ozzfan486  
17 Feb 2009 16:02 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
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Karma: 18
AHHH NOOOOO COOTIES!!!!!!! lol. Just jokin' Jazz.
ironman91313  
17 Feb 2009 17:53 | Quote
Joined: 18 Jun 2008
United States
Karma: 2
yeah im with Jazz with the teenage thing. its all just bullspit
6StringEvil  
18 Feb 2009 07:14 | Quote
Joined: 14 Oct 2008
India
Licks: 1
Karma: 1
We all are really the Lonely Hearts Club. Because, I also broke up with my girlfriend over the weekend.:'(. Hell, she says she never thought of me as more than just a friend. She would have saved me a lot of pain and sleepless nights, not to mention the money I spent on her, if only she had been bit clearer during the nights we used to make out.
These "girlfriends" should come with a "Forever Yours, or your money back" policy.
macandkanga  
18 Feb 2009 11:33 | Quote
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
United States
Karma: 21
I did'nt get married until I was 35 and we did'nt have our first child until I was 43. We are going to have another one in August and we're done.

I am so glad that we waited to get serious, get married and have children later in life. while it's hard work it's very rewarding. We both were in many relationships before we met. I'm a much better husband and father than I ever would have been if I did this when I was younger. I'm not saying that's true for everyone but it's getting to be the norm to wait until your older to get so serious.

My point to all this is to not take it all so serious! If someone breaks up with you of course it hurts but it's not the end of the world. It's the beggining of a new one!

I would now like to thank all of my previous girlfriends for breaking up with me! Each time, I would learn something, get some freedom, then get a new one! Now, I have a beautiful wife that likes my dumbass for who I am and not who she would like me to be and a beatiful daughter and a baby to come!

Thanks Ex-girlfriends!
foogered  
18 Feb 2009 11:38 | Quote
Joined: 30 Apr 2008
United States
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Well said, macandkanga, well said.
BodomBeachTerror  
18 Feb 2009 11:44 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
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Karma: 25
foogered says:
Well said, macandkanga, well said.


agreed
soy.el.che  
18 Feb 2009 18:32 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
well... i know how a suffocating girl is.. and i always did my best to not to be that way to her.. im also a somewhat jealous guy, but i also always did my best not to show it.. im a clean guy.. so i really think it might have been a mistake i made, maybe a big one.. but ive got no idea what might it had been. i always tried to take it slow, thats the first gf i had and really liked at the same time, so i took slowly the relationship, maybe too slow, i dunno...

some of my friends haves told me tht im too young to worry bout those things, to forget her, to treat her as if nthin had ever happened and tht if she loved me she might come back.
other friends have told me to start again from -5 the relationship.. im more convinced that talkin to her will be one of the best things 2 do, but i dunno where would tht take us, but im not very convinced i should do this... im the kind of guy tht looks 4 serious relationships, i dont like short ones... right now im very unstable.. im not the same guy than before...
macandkanga  
18 Feb 2009 18:49 | Quote
Joined: 03 Oct 2008
United States
Karma: 21
Well, maybe you made some mistakes and maybe you did'nt. Maybe you're just being yourself. Either way, it does'nt do you any good to be hard on yourself. Don't try to figure it out. You won't! Relationships are wierd and unstable for the most part. She wont tell you. Maybe she will if she is still interested but remember she wont be interested unless you man up and go on your way.

Make sure you are being good to yourself. Go out and hang with your friends, buy yourself a new CD or something. Get busy enjoying your life! Life is short. We don't have time to sit around and worry about what some chick is thinking. Women are attracted to guys that have things to do.
soy.el.che  
18 Feb 2009 19:18 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
thts it.... im gettinn a job.. ill be a waiter on my uncle´s restaurant, or if i cant ill work on costco, if not ill wash cars..
wht do you guys think itll be better for me, cause if shes datin another guy, well if that makes her happy thts ok, so i need to get over it fast.. thats what im most certain bout now. i have to get over it fast... im gettin a job, this time 4 real, im in the middle of makin a pact with some friends and half the band to get a job and save so we can all go study somewhere outt of the country and keep up with the band.. most probly to canada, but if we get enough money to europe..
but in the mean time, i would really like to know what is the best thing 2 do from ur point of view, to be back with her or at least get over it

thnks a lot guys..
PS: maybe the reason i love these forums is that i can express myself without being criticized, and well, points of view of poeple in different countries.. thnks a lot. i mean it

alf

@afro: lol.. its basic math
RA  
18 Feb 2009 20:19 | Quote
Joined: 24 Sep 2008
United States
Karma: 16
RelaxedDude  
18 Feb 2009 20:24 | Quote
Joined: 26 May 2008
United States
Licks: 2
Karma: 3
Hahaha, "how could that be ** if you were pretending they were a woman?"
Empirism  
18 Feb 2009 21:06 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
Lessons: 4
Karma: 35
haha, flight of the conchords just got new fan xD, great vids.
BodomBeachTerror  
18 Feb 2009 22:09 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
love those guys
goodtunes  
21 Feb 2009 17:02 | Quote
Joined: 09 Feb 2008
United States
Karma: 2
i think PHip had very good advice.
so my comment is this -->"what phip said" lol

and also since this happen right after your vacation she may have met someone else during your absence and felt bad about seeing someone else while you were gone and felt too guilty to tell you that so just made up some fake excuse.
JazzMaverick  
22 Feb 2009 20:24 | Quote
Joined: 28 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
Lessons: 24
Licks: 37
Karma: 47
Moderator
"Regret is an appalling waste of energy. You can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in." - Katherine Mansfield

:D Cheer up me hearty! Don't let anyone bring you down 'cause you deserve to be happy.
soy.el.che  
23 Feb 2009 20:55 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
@Phip.. youve proven to be as wise as i thought... thnks..
@Ra: how do you know me so well? thnks 4 the song

well.... shes movin, i know thats not all, but.. i hope i get through this fast.. on the other side, her movin will make it easier 4 me to get over it, and in the state im right now, i can write thousands of songs and not get tired or very used.. good songs, i guess. im of those guys that, when i fall in love, it takes months to get over it...so.. what can i do.. i had a job interview today, its good for a crisis time on mexico, 50 bucks a week, 24 hours a week.. in a gas station, and ill make contacts.. the job will last 2 months, so i guess its ok for now... ill get my band to have a name, well become legends, and go over the world.. thats what i should be wastin my time thinkin at right now. i guess im too young to care bout this so much, but i cant help it, just wanna get over it fast

new song:
intro:
girl, what r u lookin at, is it your past

Chorus:
BE it 10 am or a highway crash
no one really gets what i am goin thru right now
girl youve got somethin that just wont let me go thru this
i need u to o back n love me twice

Verse 1
Hear close
2 what i have to sayJust cause what i feel is hardly ever heard
Hey girl
theres somethin killin me inside
come girl
while im stilla live

i ran out of time, ill finish later
1 2


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