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Lyrics and Lyrical melody HELP!

Songwriting
EMB5490  
11 Jan 2009 19:20 | Quote
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
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hi, here are my lyrics, ust random lyrics some good some bad, please say the line you like the most or lineS you like the most and maybe a good lyrical melody going with it, fitting to one of these 2 songs:



here it is. btw each section goes together if ther separated by a bar of space then ther diff idea and not sopposed to fit. btw im trying to go for metalish lyrics, like ozzy almost.

Running to nowhere, trying to find where i belong

Theres somthing going on that doesnt seem right, im trying 'n put it all together, the people i see, the dreams tht i fight, it doest seem to be gettn better

i know im not going crazy, but i think i may be insane, people look at me and wonder, whats going on in his brain

binded by laws of realty, no where to go, decieved by streets of society, theres nothing more to know.

their so simple minded, so one sided

i know know where were going

it took me a while to realize, whats going on, just tryin 'n fantasize, i just wana know

living in the dark

my mind is concieving

walking aimlessly

walking down empty halls of endlessness, nobody turn to me, sitting down, no one looks to see, how empty i am, how lonley i am, how no one understands me! They dont give me a chance, they dont give me a listen, they just turn their heads and sigh, why oh why? just give me a chance, just give me a glance, just let me try, why oh why?

nothing seems to be working, nothing seems to be right, nothing seems to be helping, no one really understands!
Ozzfan486  
11 Jan 2009 20:42 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
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Walking aimlessly
I don't know where we're going
but I know where I wanna be

Hope Im not goin' crazy
probably just insane
some people look at me and wonder
spoken sarcastically - "Whats goin' on with this man!?"

How can they be so simple minded
so one sided
so, so chained

But I, I wanna break 'em
I wanna break away from the reigns!


[use the song above you posted up until about 1:45, the lyrics stop right before that breakdown, you repeat that main riff like you did, and then use that clean part you did at about 2:30, then fly into the wildest [distorted] solo you can think of, throw in some nice hooks too, get the crowd in to it]

--after solo--

Walkin' down these endless halls
binded by reality
feelin' like I'm fallin' down
but still nobody turns to me
decieved by the streets of society
They still look at me
thinkin' somethings wrong with me

But just can't see it
I've already set me free!
But they are all still chained down
so they turn and critisize me!

Just let me be~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Thats what I can do. Use it if you like, I didn't write, you did, I used your lyrics and your template, so its yours man.

Ozz
soy.el.che  
11 Jan 2009 20:57 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
wish i could help, but i cant right now, slow internet, in a hurry, supposedly doin somethin else
EMB5490  
11 Jan 2009 22:17 | Quote
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
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woh, that was really good. thank you! thats exactly what in wanted, i have all these ideas but cant organize it, there was only a couple lines i didnt like. thnx SOOO much! still guys keep it coming.
EMB5490  
11 Jan 2009 22:41 | Quote
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
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heres my edit to that:

Walking aimlessly
I don't know where im going
but I know where I wanna be

i know Im not goin' crazy
but thats cause im already insane
people look at me and wonder
Whats goin' on with his brain?

And yet its like a disease,but just treating the causes,


But I just i wanna break them,
I wanna break away from the reigns!


[use the song above you posted up until about 1:45, the lyrics stop right before that breakdown, you repeat that main riff like you did, and then use that clean part you did at about 2:30, then fly into the wildest [distorted] solo you can think of, throw in some nice hooks too, get the crowd in to it]

--after solo--

Walkin' down these endless halls
binded by reality
feelin' like I'm fallin' down
but still nobody turns to me
decieved by the streets of society
They still look at me
thinkin' somethings wrong with me

But just can't see it
I've already set me free!
But they are all still chained down
so they turn and critisize me!

Just let me be~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EMB5490  
11 Jan 2009 22:43 | Quote
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
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im gona edit that a bit more but it gives me a place to start, i also find it easy to make lines when i focus on a specific thing, this ones about me, in school. somtimes i just roam the halls, trying to find somthing i know i never will(thats a good lyric). walking in a daze, in a dark foggy haze. though i know where im going just dont know how to get there. along with that its about how no one excepts me or lots of people b/c how they look or act or feel.
Ozzfan486  
12 Jan 2009 17:10 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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Cool man. Glad I could help. And yeah, judging people on how the look is bull-****. How the act is what you will learn about them.
EMB5490  
12 Jan 2009 18:12 | Quote
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not only that, im kinda alwaays ignored, im gona write about that itll be one of those 2 meaning songs, on the surface, just listening to it, itll sound like drugs, but then if u think about it youll realize its a story of me.
Ozzfan486  
12 Jan 2009 18:45 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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I wouldn't. One is fine. If you really want to though, combine both song and make SURE its epic. Nobody likes a long song that FEELS long. Take Metallica for example, loads of long songs, not too many of them actually feel long though. And to fit in, make really cool songs, put your emotions out there, but jokingly, sarcastically even. Metaphors are good lyrics. That way its kind of like a double whammy.

Ozz
EMB5490  
12 Jan 2009 18:49 | Quote
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yeh, what i mean was just taking the one you layed out and that gives me a starting point, im gona make more lyrics and put it in and write about that.ye i hate long songs that feel long.
Phip  
12 Jan 2009 20:55 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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Moderator
@ Elliott and Ozzy,
You know guys, I smell a collaboration here. The two of you make a good team! I mean that. You two should work together. Work on some songs together just like you did here tonight. Play something you've done together and post it. It would be (as you say) Epic!
{First thing that's going to happen is Elliott is going to argue with me.} haha
Don't bother Elliott, you know I'm right! Give it a try. Who knows what may come of it. Think of it as an adventure. (Think Ozzy and
Randy)
Phipster :)
BTW Elliott, your playing just gets better and better! You've come a long way in the last year.
Ozzfan486  
12 Jan 2009 21:30 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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@ Elliot - Oh cool.

@ Phip - That'd be pretty cool. Cept hes states away from me (Band practice would be a tad bit tricky lol). Lol, Ozzy and Randy. We could co-write some stuff though, that I'll give you, is a very good idea. Elliott?

Ozz...y
EMB5490  
12 Jan 2009 22:10 | Quote
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sounds cool, dont know if it will work.

you should see me play now its much better! im pretty good now!
Ozzfan486  
13 Jan 2009 14:58 | Quote
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Make a showcase vid for Youtube man. That way we all CAN see.
EMB5490  
13 Jan 2009 15:22 | Quote
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showcase?
Ozzfan486  
13 Jan 2009 16:38 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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showcase your best playing in the video.
EMB5490  
13 Jan 2009 16:40 | Quote
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o..kk, once i find the key its in im gona go all out, thtll be tonight. im gona post crazy train solo, crowley solos, aint talking bout love intro, and suicide soloution solo
Ozzfan486  
13 Jan 2009 17:35 | Quote
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Post one of your OWN solos too.
EMB5490  
14 Jan 2009 17:25 | Quote
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ye i will....once i make one..

new theme/lyrics

salt on the wounds

baby,
your putting, salt, on the wounds!
your making it harder and harder to breather! Yeah!

baby,
your playing with Firah!
your making it, Im-possible to see! o yeah!
Ozzfan486  
14 Jan 2009 18:11 | Quote
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You better be joking man. lol.
EMB5490  
14 Jan 2009 18:12 | Quote
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y ther bad? its not finished of course. just a small part of the chorus lol. contructive critism is always nice...
Ozzfan486  
14 Jan 2009 19:02 | Quote
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Its not BAD, but its not the ass kicking metal/hard rock. Sounds more like something along the lines of Whitesnake or Winger.
EMB5490  
14 Jan 2009 21:59 | Quote
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ye i didnt want those to be as hard rock. kinda like the only song written about a girl leaving, the song is very bluesy/classic rock.
Ozzfan486  
14 Jan 2009 22:01 | Quote
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Sing it slowly then. Picture Ray Charles with Steve Vai's distortion then....okay bad analogy. I get what you mean though.

Ozzman


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