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some new material and a competition

Songwriting
patleh  
9 Jan 2009 22:33 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
whoever can tell what this is about gets mad probs, also please suggestions i need them. before you read it keep in mind it migh seem a little emo but its more of a "paint it black" feel or a "Behind blue eyes".


surrounded by all the faces
keeping me in check
scared of all the spaces
with judges calling me a wreck

i'm sick of all the pointless
id like to continue my life
so it could become stressless
and not join pointless strife

it's nice to see you at night
to see you when i am not
stuck in that terrible fight
and the solution can't be caught


Tell me then, can you take me away?
with a pen, get me a place to play?
do all you can to make it okay?
Help me please, get out of my box
take me to trees to live with a fox
and swim the seas and land on docks


the tall men keep commenting
they tell me how to do better
the small men keep ascending
while i keep feeling deader

but when i see your face
i become happy and fast
when we go to that place
around the corner we passed

all night long we can feast
around that small table
hope the day will rest in peace
and we will stay stable.

Tell me then, can you take me away?
with a pen, get me a place to play?
do all you can to make it okay?
Help me please, get out of my box
take me to tress to live with a fox
and swim the seas and land on docks
league  
9 Jan 2009 23:09 | Quote
Joined: way back
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 10
It has an Alice in Wonderland feel to it.

I think its about a person who is encountering some problems probably Madness (no offense)and wants to escape reality.
Ozzfan486  
9 Jan 2009 23:14 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
Its about your songwriting overall. You want to get away from the stress of everyday life, so you write and it takes you away to a great state of mind. It definetly does that to me. Am I right?
patleh  
9 Jan 2009 23:30 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
oZz fan a VERY close miss. But from a general stand point you are both right. But it's just a little bit more specific.
Ozzfan486  
9 Jan 2009 23:42 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
Ahh, you want something to write about so that you can go back to that state of mind/feeling. And the person/thing you are talking to is your inspiration. Which makes sense because this is the first song you've posted in a while.

Ozz
telecrater  
9 Jan 2009 23:44 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
United States
Lessons: 8
Karma: 13
the rhyming scheme is very restrictive. It will sound cool when spoken but I wound how effect it would be when sung.. just a thought.

over all it's a nice peice
Ozzfan486  
9 Jan 2009 23:46 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
Yeah, it sounds like something that anyone's guess to what the rhythm is. I put one on it while reading it, and it sounded VERY poetic.
patleh  
9 Jan 2009 23:48 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
@ ozz your gettingg the general idea but not what I was getting at. However I award you the winner because you do seem to have it. But if anybody can figure out exactly the song is reffering to.


Hint most of us do this activity everyday.
Ozzfan486  
9 Jan 2009 23:50 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
Yay!! lol. Wow, it must be pretty complex. Well, now that its over can we know?
patleh  
9 Jan 2009 23:54 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
I want to see if anybody else can get it tomorrow since it's late. Like for are English fellows. But you were right I hadn't posted in a while and I had to get inspired again somehow
Ozzfan486  
10 Jan 2009 00:00 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
Cool. Yeah, in England its like 8 or 9 am right now. [I think]. I'm trying to remember those time zone packets in science class lol.
patleh  
10 Jan 2009 00:21 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
at the time you said that it would have been 5 am
les_paul  
10 Jan 2009 02:01 | Quote
Joined: 14 Feb 2008
United States
Lessons: 3
Licks: 2
Karma: 11
I think it's about the media and all the bad ** that's going on it the world. You want to escape the depression that it brings to you but you feel obligated to join in the suffering of the rest of the world by watching the news casts and staying up to date with everything, even though it's pointless because you have no way of making things better. So you fell trapped and want to escape.

I may be way off but that's what I got from it.
Empirism  
10 Jan 2009 07:53 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
Lessons: 4
Karma: 35
I let you to do that strife
for me, no I live my life
I let you swim in your gold
Im still satisfied when im old

I have no chains to break
No rules to obey for waste
I left my box with my pen
I welcome you to my den.
patleh  
10 Jan 2009 09:12 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
nice one EMP
patleh  
10 Jan 2009 22:35 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
since everybody decided to stop commenting i'll tell what it is about.


So it was about last friday. i was stamping some more doctor signatures onto some prescriptions, while i kept my eye on the clock the entire time. finally it hit 5:30 and i almost darted out the door when my boss stopped me. called me into his office and proceeded to givve me final paycheck. so a little broken hearted, and jobless i hurried home ad got some of my guitar stuff and my amp and went to a bar called C.R. hooligans where i played that night. THere i went onto play I am the walrus, paint it black, i don't know(my own song), my generation(got the crowd to sing along), satisfaction, wonderwall, you really got me, empire, uncle johnny, hello goodbye, and if i fell. after i was only paid a crapy $25. so i went onto find this girl i'd had my eye on the last few weeks. We met up at her house at about 11PM and went to every restaraunt in town, either it was 21 and older or it was closed. walking around for a while we finaly just stopped into the 7/11 and got some candy and shared it as a meal. nothing fancy, no hanky panky after just a genuinly nice time with a nice person.

so this inspired me to write about people at work with their bosses judging them, pointless bickering between co-workers,wanting someone to come save them from their box(cubical).

thanks.
RelaxedDude  
10 Jan 2009 23:07 | Quote
Joined: 26 May 2008
United States
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Karma: 3
Thats pretty deep man
Empirism  
11 Jan 2009 08:18 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
Lessons: 4
Karma: 35
Unfortunately, there are no one who come save peoples from their cubical boxes...they have to do it by themselfs.

Ofcourse job is important, but most of the people think that its whole life. And if it end, by various reasons, their whole world scrambles in ruins, why? because they have bonds. Chains to have something save to be and too afraid to look further... anyway...

Nice lyrics. Hop Hop, to the recording session then... ^_^
patleh  
11 Jan 2009 09:33 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
@ empirism true dat homie, no ones gonna give you anything in life you have to get things done yourself.


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