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My second lyrics to write

Songwriting
Sylver710  
22 Dec 2008 23:06 | Quote
Joined: 21 Dec 2008
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Here's some lyrics i wrote, they are the seconds ones i have ever done the first ones i'll post later if you want but i don't like them that much




There are things to be said
Stories to be told
Those words in your head
All seem so cold

They knew it to be true
They wished it to be foul
There was nothing to do
As the sounds of war howled

Soliders are praying
Deceased are sleeping
Dogs are baying
Women are weeping

They have one thing in common
They're all in HELL!




Give me any suggestions you have, as i'm not a song writer at all and i would love some input... in my opinion this is more of a poem... lol
patleh  
23 Dec 2008 00:20 | Quote
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this is a song where i would have to know the tempo.
TheAmericanBrit  
23 Dec 2008 04:42 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
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That's kinda g@y, bro.
blackholesun  
23 Dec 2008 05:52 | Quote
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
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Moderator
...which is why I voted against you being allowed back in the forum. They're not "**" at all. Each line is quite short though, especially the "Soldiers are praying" section. That bit would be awesome though if you had speed picking on the low E string during the lyrics, and then a riff to kinda reply to what you're saying.


Soldiers... E Eb D
E ----------------|----------------|
B ----------------|----------------|
G ----------------|----------------|
D ----------------|9-----8-----7---|
A ----------------|7-----6-----5---|
E 0000000000000000|----0-----0-----|

As patleh said, it would help if we knew what kinda genre or style these lyrics were for.
Ozzfan486  
23 Dec 2008 06:48 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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Keep the first half and re-write. The second half is well....Skold already said.

Personal Thoughts

Ozz
TheAmericanBrit  
23 Dec 2008 09:35 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
Karma: 1
BHS, just shut up.

I understand that you get a little thrill out of challenging every thing I say. But, at a certain point, can't you just...you know...shut up?
Heather  
23 Dec 2008 12:24 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
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Skold, don't be that way please. You'll get banned again for talking to another member, even a moderator that way. I like you because you can be nice and funny, so I and many others wanted you back for that. Just stay being that funny Skold but watch some of your jokes, I want you to stay. Don't start making bad comments on someone's song to complicate thigs again.

Sylver, I agree your lines and parts are pretty short. But they are great lines, just try adding more or/and extending them a little and it'll improve. When you finish your next edit repost it, I look foward to seeing it. I know you can have great ideas in your head by just reading what you've got. It does reflect on war well, creates a real image.
BodomBeachTerror  
23 Dec 2008 13:55 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
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yea i agree, rewrite the last half. the first half is good
JazzMaverick  
23 Dec 2008 14:52 | Quote
Joined: 28 Aug 2008
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Honestly, if you don't like them yourself, don't post them. Post things you're pleased with.

Anyway, they're pretty short. It sounds like it could go with an acoustic song, but you kind of lost me at the second part.

-> Where are you taking me?

Lyrics are like stories, you need to make sure your readers are always interested otherwise you won't get many reviews.
TheAmericanBrit  
23 Dec 2008 15:18 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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Not making a joke. If you want my opinion, there it is.

blackholesun  
23 Dec 2008 18:37 | Quote
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
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TheAmericanBrit says:
I understand that you get a little thrill out of challenging every thing I say.


That would be because you very rarely say anything that isn't controversial. If you acted normally like everyone else on this forum then the mods wouldn't have to be behind you with a pooper scooper cleaning up your mess. I didn't ask to be mod, I don't like having to censor things, and I remember how you threw a tantrum once when something you had written was removed, so I just left it.

I think it's out of order saying that someone else's lyrics are "**". He only joined two days ago. If you don't like them, then say what it is about them you don't like. Hell, don't you remember someone on here getting flamed for stating their opinion without backing it up? You didn't like getting banned did you? In fact, you even tried to make another account to get back on here. I don't see why after all that you're still actively trying to cause conflict.
EMB5490  
23 Dec 2008 18:40 | Quote
Joined: 10 Feb 2008
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boys boys...come outta your corners fighting at the bell.
jcb3000  
23 Dec 2008 18:46 | Quote
Joined: 09 Jul 2008
United Kingdom
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Both very valid points from BHS and Skold. still skold you do put it bluntly, which isnt really nescassary unless you want this forum turning into another forum of which we shall not name. but back to the lyrics please.

good in my opinion, sorta reminds me of a matter of life and death album by iron maiden. only critisism id say is make them a bit longer.
TheAmericanBrit  
24 Dec 2008 04:03 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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I did say what it is about them that I don't like.

Forgive me for not beating around the bush like you do.
blackholesun  
24 Dec 2008 04:38 | Quote
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
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You think they're homosexual? If so, then I don't think you would know the meaning of ** if it came up behind you in a shower with a hard-on.
TheAmericanBrit  
24 Dec 2008 04:59 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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G a y means happy. I'm using the word liberally. I'm not attaching sexuality to it, guy. Now stop being a little girl, and go change your tampon.

And another thing, I'm not "actively trying to cause conflict" - you just have this big stick up you a$$ that, and I do believe this with all of my heart, couldn't be removed with the jaws of life.

Will I get banned for this? Probably. But, I don't really give a damn anymore because I can't say a damn thing that you don't try to find an issue with.
blackholesun  
24 Dec 2008 05:11 | Quote
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It hasn't meant happy since the 19th century. You realised that g a y was blocked so you decided to replace it with g@y, rather than simply happy. Now, I think that is actively trying to cause conflict.
TheAmericanBrit  
24 Dec 2008 05:14 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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Hey, you're the one who brought up the original meaning of words. Shouldn't have brought it up if you didn't want the truth.

That's not trying to "actively cause conflict", you're just trying to find some sort of argument in the cesspool that you've created
TheAmericanBrit  
24 Dec 2008 05:18 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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Sylv, here are some words that will ring true forever: Some are musicians, and some are songwriters - Not everyone is both.

blackholesun  
24 Dec 2008 05:55 | Quote
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Give the guy a chance! A least he's not just taking chord progressions from Oasis songs and putting new words over the top.

TheAmericanBrit says:
I don't really give a damn anymore because I can't say a damn thing that you don't try to find an issue with.


Nice little Xmas challenge for you - go find the last time I had a problem with something you said, not including this one.
Empirism  
24 Dec 2008 06:44 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
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blackholesun says:
Give the guy a chance! A least he's not just taking chord progressions from Oasis songs and putting new words over the top.


HAHHAH, you are cruel man did you knew?

@sylv and others who dont know this TheAmericanRascal a.k.a Skold

hes a bit rascal who has brutal inputs in lyrics and posts, but when you start to understand him you can sense a black humour behind these inputs...

C'mon Skoldie let it be and BHS let it be... You both have very strong self confidence that cannot be beaten with arquing behind a nickies...

lets get back on topic right?

Arrangments are quite well done, though they are little short as BHS mentioned, but that is oK depends on song style. but in my opinion if short sentences are used in lyrics, there should be rhyming, first verse was quite good rhyming, but in second verse I couldnt follow and I lost trail.

Rhyming is not necessary need to be like

Im alone
on a phone...

but can be done like

*first part of rhyme*
some lyrics
some lyrics
*last part of rhyme*

keep up the writing m8. gl
TheAmericanBrit  
24 Dec 2008 07:36 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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EDIT: You know what, screw it. I'm not gonna waste my time on some petty little argument. Think what you will, but the fact remains the same: You're the one with a problem - Not me.

However, if I have offended anyone, I do offer my sincerest apologies (this includes you, BHS).
JazzMaverick  
24 Dec 2008 09:45 | Quote
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So since that is over with I gotta ask... why does everyone add rhyme to their lyrics? I've always wondered, even I have done it, but why? I can express myself just the same by writing it down normally. Yet we seem to link poetry with it. (Random rant :D cool huh?)
Ozzfan486  
24 Dec 2008 10:51 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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Because we're perfectionists who want a good song and expression Jazz. lol. Its funny, but its the truth [at least for me it is].
Empirism  
24 Dec 2008 13:31 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
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@Jazz

Yes, as we know good lyrics do not have to be "rhymed" or "phipped" or "jazzed" xD...well anyway...*slap* back on the track...

Rhyming is not important of lyrics which are "story" if you know what I mean, but if song is based on short sentences, it just not sound pro. Ofcourse there are exeptions, but you must be a real talent if do so, so I strongly recommend rhyming for starting songwriters.

for me, well its same if I rhyme or not they suck xD
Cheers!
Empirism
BodomBeachTerror  
24 Dec 2008 14:33 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
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it sounds more melodic that way i think
Heather  
24 Dec 2008 16:17 | Quote
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United Kingdom
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Well Skold, I don't want to start an argument I don't think is worth it just so you know. But you expressed your opinion horribly, it wasn't very detailed why you disliked it so it would've been nicer towards Sylver to not say anything at all. Now that's the last I'll say on the subject, now if you won't bear any of that in mind there's no further I should say if I don't want us to argue over it. It's not worth it.

Anyway Sylver, Empireism's advice is definately worth following. It can make the song's meaning spread for you while righting notes when you're trying to keep his kind of rymeing scheme too, keep working on it. I can really see this song can become something great.
TheAmericanBrit  
24 Dec 2008 23:11 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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No time to be anything but blunt, Heather.
LedZeppRox13  
15 May 2010 23:39 | Quote
Joined: 22 Apr 2010
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i say it was pretty good for your second lyrics written, the more you write the more experienced you will get. :)
BodomBeachTerror  
15 May 2010 23:48 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
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2 year old topic haha
Mici  
16 May 2010 11:39 | Quote
Joined: way back
Kosovo
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LOL! When I got to the third post I was like "Skold is back? WTF?"


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