'Going it alone'

Hey all, this is a song I've been writing just tonight. I'm still working on it and I'm aware I've labled the song with no 2nd verse, I've not done that yet I just wrote while thing's sprung to mind but since I'm going to call it a night, just tell me what you think of it so far. How you follow the lyrics, what music style you have a feel to and any general open suggestions. One thing right now I'm considering is if I shouldn't bother repeating the chorus after the 3rd verse. Thanks.

1st Verse:
Too much time,
To remember, when I’d almost turned around,
As I walked away, I realized, that, you shouldn’t be mine,
I can’t help myself to think, that I let you down,
By now it’s time I should set down that road, and leave it all behind,

Because too many times, now you’ve been my fool,

Chorus:
Don’t know what I’ve been waiting for,
I should’ve done this, such a long time ago,
It’s not like I haven’t been through our bad situations, too many times before,
And although that’s almost all that’s on my mind,
I also just can’t help but wonder, what if I was wrong, to go,
Well because, you’ve heard that front door slam so may times, once more,
What if I come back, I find I’ve been too long,

You’ll be gone, and I’d be going it alone,

3rd verse:
Yes, it’ll hurt for a little while,
But when I see you with her,
I’ll know, that what I did was right,
Because no, it’s not the way we were,
And I’ll know, this was all just to let you smile, again,

After going through, no fault of your own,
I’ll continue walking away, alone tonight,
So back there, you’ll be doing alright,

Because I’m going it, alone,

i really enjoyed it has a soft feel to it, (which i like) can't wait to read that 2nd verse

Heather the Feather,
Very nice. Too many commas. and there are some "filler" words you could get rid of. Because I know you are a country fan i immediately "heard" country in the lyrics and I think your lyrics fit county nicely.
keep working on it and see where it takes you. don't force it.
Phip

...."it alone" trying to find a way home
a place to call my own
where my feelings freely roam..


lol. Use that if you want. I just got a little carried away haha.
I like it. And I see where your coming from. Breakups suck. I know.

Ozz

me2. just did last weekend.

nice job on this

hat that's why i don't do relationships. i'm into living fast, rock n roll style

@ Heather

Good lyrics, definitely a great start. I agree with Phip on the too many commas, but I'm guessing that's where you have a pause while you're singing maybe?

@Patleh,
I wouldn't say being single makes life go by fast. Personally I think it gives you more time to focus on your goals and do what you need to do to get there.

When you're old and grey you'll wish you did more things. It's inevitable.

eh maybe. but i think it just might be better than dealing with all the breakups and relationship crap.

also thats one of the reasons i stay single, so that i can focus on my career and starting a band.

Same here Pat.

haha ozz, well ur only 12, no need for a gf at that age xD

@ patleh,
True, relationships can be very distracting, but when they are good, OH What a wonderful distraction! Plus all the breakups and heartache are the rain that smooths the stone. I guess pain and joy aren't mandatory to writing good lyrics but I have a hunch they might be mandatory to writing GREAT lyrics. Then again I could be full of crap!
The trick isn't to stay away from relationships, the trick is to stay away from BAD relationships. Hey if someone offers you love (true love) take it! What do you think, that stuff grows on trees?
Just some wisdom from someone "old and grey".
Phip

yea, also at a young age ppls feelings towards other ppl can change easily and suddenly like someone else. found that out the hard way

@BBT - I've been mistaken for 15 before dude.

thats why u dont get in a relationship with someone who doesnt even know u enough to know ur age =p

I think Heather's lyrics are interesting and a nice change from the typical break up song. Here is a case where the singer is admitting her own faults and flaws. She admits she's been abusing the poor schlub! It's a nice twist. And then she's saying "maybe I made a mistake", but in the end she knows it's good for everyone involved. Nice job Heather. It's got potential so let us see the final version, ok?

Yeah, every sole who's ever walked this planet knows the pain of breaking up. (doesn't help much I admit). But the quest for true love is eternal to the human condition. That's why love songs and breakup songs are so popular, everyone can relate. Chin up, each bad experience is an education in what doesn't work which leads you to what does work for you, if you pay attention.
Phipster,
(getting a little older and a little greyer by the second!) lol

@BBT - What? Everyone knows my age, only those whom I don't know yet don't. I just look like I'm 14 or 15 in person.

Well said! That was actually awesome.

---

Lucky for you then Ozz. They always say I look 15! What a bummer. I always need to bring ID to the pub... it's lame.

Thanks for all the comments so far everyone. About the commas, I have a habbit whilst I'm writing as I just like to imagine where I may choose to pause the singing. Afterwards I just never seem to edit them out. I'm not sure why, so when I pasted them here they were still on the song. Phip, I like that you think I could delete some extra words, I wondered about that but then I wanted to see if anyone would mention that as I wasn't so sure if it'd still sound okay. And I'm very happy it's country :)

Ozz and Jazz, I get mistaken for 12 all the time although I'm almost 16! This is just silly if about all our ages are guessed wrong!Annoying too, when I was 12 people thought I was 14/15, now that I've aged to that point, I'm apparently 12...not sure how that works!

Well I'll be back later with any edits and the 2nd verse. And I might just use your idea somewhere Ozz.

just cuz u LOOK 15 doesnt mean ur ready to date =p

@ Heather - Haha, cool.

@ BBT - Dude, seriously! Last time I checked you aren't my mom!!! [I'd definetly hope not! lol].

Ozz

just giving u advice =p

If its not obvious by now, I don't really want it.

ok fine

What's a guy version of a cat fight?

Anyway, Peace and love - we're all amazing hippies here

Um...I'm a retired hippy thank your very much! I've not touched the stuff in years!

We're allowed to believe! Keep the spirit alive!

Just so you know I'm sorry for the delay. I kept being sick and I've just been laying around resting. Promise I'll finish and post tomorrow though. But I have to admit, I'm fairly peeved off that I had to be ill just as I got into the Christmas holiday and stay off with no corse work for a change. But hey, when I feel better again I'm going to be hyper thropugh the holidays and act more truley hippy, then ever before! Keep the spirit going Jazz!

Peace and love all (Including BBT and Ozz :D )

Okay now here's my 2nd verse plus I've edited some words. If there are also any edits you think aren't as good as what that line used to be or if there are any edits you have in mind anywhere feel free to let me know.

1st verse:
Too much time,
To remember when I’d almost turned around,
As I walked away I realized that you shouldn’t be mine,
I can’t help myself to think that I let you down,
By now it’s time I should set down that road and leave it all behind,

Because too many times now you’ve been my fool,

Chorus:
Don’t know what I’ve been waiting for,
I should’ve done this a long time ago,
It’s not like I haven’t been through this situation too many times before,
Although that’s almost all that’s on my mind,
I just can’t help but wonder was I wrong to go,
Well because you’ve heard that door slam so many times once more,
What if I come back I find I’ve been too long,

You’ll be gone and I’d be going it alone.

2nd verse:
I won’t stay to apologize,
For you’ll say I never let you down,
These mistakes with you made me realize,
We’ll only end up here once again.

But now I’ll face the truth that if I stay around,
With you even just for one more day,
I’ll let you down.

So instead I’ll just walk away.

(Repeat chorus)

3rd verse:
Yes it’ll hurt for a while,
But when I see you with her,
I’ll know what I did was right,
Because no it’s not the way we were,
And I’ll know this was just to let you smile again,

After going through no fault of your own,
I’ll continue walking alone tonight,
So back there you’ll be doing alright,

Because I’m going it alone.

And I was going to add this part after what's currently the last line as I actually like Ozz's idea "Going it alone,
Trying to find a real way home,
Where how I really feel can roam." but I'm scared the verse will be too long if I do that. Does it sound worth the risk to you?

Heather: Morosely beautifully lyrics. I liked the idea very much and the way it is assertive yet questions the decision. Well done. It's definitely has a slow, country feel to it. It seems like it would be quite a long song... ~8-9 minute range? Have you set it to music yet? I'd try playing it the way it is and then try adding the additional piece. Only then will you really know whether or not it belongs. Keep at it.

Phip: Is this a quote?
Very apt analogy. If it is yours, copyright it so you can sue me when I steal it. ;)

nah, it just came to me as I was writing.

@ Heather,
I'd leave the extra bit out. It really doesn't work with the general theme of the song. Save the lines and use them on a new song. just a thought.
Phip

I agree with Phip, if the song is already good don't risk messing it up. Although do save it for another time [Cos' it WAS MINE!!!!! lol. j/k]. But yeah I don't care if you use it.

Thanks everyone. You know CTown I was worrying it'd be long as I wrote it! I'm trying to match some chords with it today, I might even try to slip in a few licks that will sound appropriate for it.

Thanks for all the help everyone, it's helped me a lot. If I perform the finale version well enough I might be able to use it for school and have it recorded there and if I do I'll post it here so you can hear it.

Cool.

I'd have to hear some music behind it, but it seems ok.

Chorus is a bit long, but again, I need to hear some music behind it all to make an honest judgment.

The main thing I don't like about the lyrics is that I don't like the topic (or content, if you will). Just not into it. I would look for ways to "say it without actually saying it".