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'Going it alone'

Songwriting
Heather  
17 Dec 2008 17:00 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
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Hey all, this is a song I've been writing just tonight. I'm still working on it and I'm aware I've labled the song with no 2nd verse, I've not done that yet I just wrote while thing's sprung to mind but since I'm going to call it a night, just tell me what you think of it so far. How you follow the lyrics, what music style you have a feel to and any general open suggestions. One thing right now I'm considering is if I shouldn't bother repeating the chorus after the 3rd verse. Thanks.

1st Verse:
Too much time,
To remember, when Iíd almost turned around,
As I walked away, I realized, that, you shouldnít be mine,
I canít help myself to think, that I let you down,
By now itís time I should set down that road, and leave it all behind,

Because too many times, now youíve been my fool,

Chorus:
Donít know what Iíve been waiting for,
I shouldíve done this, such a long time ago,
Itís not like I havenít been through our bad situations, too many times before,
And although thatís almost all thatís on my mind,
I also just canít help but wonder, what if I was wrong, to go,
Well because, youíve heard that front door slam so may times, once more,
What if I come back, I find Iíve been too long,

Youíll be gone, and Iíd be going it alone,

3rd verse:
Yes, itíll hurt for a little while,
But when I see you with her,
Iíll know, that what I did was right,
Because no, itís not the way we were,
And Iíll know, this was all just to let you smile, again,

After going through, no fault of your own,
Iíll continue walking away, alone tonight,
So back there, youíll be doing alright,

Because Iím going it, alone,
patleh  
17 Dec 2008 17:11 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
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i really enjoyed it has a soft feel to it, (which i like) can't wait to read that 2nd verse
Phip  
17 Dec 2008 17:17 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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Moderator
Heather the Feather,
Very nice. Too many commas. and there are some "filler" words you could get rid of. Because I know you are a country fan i immediately "heard" country in the lyrics and I think your lyrics fit county nicely.
keep working on it and see where it takes you. don't force it.
Phip
Ozzfan486  
17 Dec 2008 17:21 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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...."it alone" trying to find a way home
a place to call my own
where my feelings freely roam..


lol. Use that if you want. I just got a little carried away haha.
I like it. And I see where your coming from. Breakups suck. I know.

Ozz
BodomBeachTerror  
17 Dec 2008 17:44 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
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Ozzfan486 says:
And I see where your coming from. Breakups suck. I know.


me2. just did last weekend.

nice job on this
patleh  
17 Dec 2008 18:24 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
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hat that's why i don't do relationships. i'm into living fast, rock n roll style
JazzMaverick  
17 Dec 2008 18:32 | Quote
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@ Heather

Good lyrics, definitely a great start. I agree with Phip on the too many commas, but I'm guessing that's where you have a pause while you're singing maybe?

@Patleh,
I wouldn't say being single makes life go by fast. Personally I think it gives you more time to focus on your goals and do what you need to do to get there.

When you're old and grey you'll wish you did more things. It's inevitable.
patleh  
17 Dec 2008 18:34 | Quote
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eh maybe. but i think it just might be better than dealing with all the breakups and relationship crap.

also thats one of the reasons i stay single, so that i can focus on my career and starting a band.
Ozzfan486  
17 Dec 2008 19:00 | Quote
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Same here Pat.
BodomBeachTerror  
17 Dec 2008 19:02 | Quote
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haha ozz, well ur only 12, no need for a gf at that age xD
Phip  
17 Dec 2008 19:10 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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@ patleh,
True, relationships can be very distracting, but when they are good, OH What a wonderful distraction! Plus all the breakups and heartache are the rain that smooths the stone. I guess pain and joy aren't mandatory to writing good lyrics but I have a hunch they might be mandatory to writing GREAT lyrics. Then again I could be full of crap!
The trick isn't to stay away from relationships, the trick is to stay away from BAD relationships. Hey if someone offers you love (true love) take it! What do you think, that stuff grows on trees?
Just some wisdom from someone "old and grey".
Phip
BodomBeachTerror  
17 Dec 2008 19:16 | Quote
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yea, also at a young age ppls feelings towards other ppl can change easily and suddenly like someone else. found that out the hard way
Ozzfan486  
17 Dec 2008 19:22 | Quote
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@BBT - I've been mistaken for 15 before dude.
BodomBeachTerror  
17 Dec 2008 19:25 | Quote
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thats why u dont get in a relationship with someone who doesnt even know u enough to know ur age =p
Phip  
17 Dec 2008 19:25 | Quote
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I think Heather's lyrics are interesting and a nice change from the typical break up song. Here is a case where the singer is admitting her own faults and flaws. She admits she's been abusing the poor schlub! It's a nice twist. And then she's saying "maybe I made a mistake", but in the end she knows it's good for everyone involved. Nice job Heather. It's got potential so let us see the final version, ok?
Phip  
17 Dec 2008 19:34 | Quote
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BodomBeachTerror says:
yea, also at a young age ppls feelings towards other ppl can change easily and suddenly like someone else. found that out the hard way


Yeah, every sole who's ever walked this planet knows the pain of breaking up. (doesn't help much I admit). But the quest for true love is eternal to the human condition. That's why love songs and breakup songs are so popular, everyone can relate. Chin up, each bad experience is an education in what doesn't work which leads you to what does work for you, if you pay attention.
Phipster,
(getting a little older and a little greyer by the second!) lol
Ozzfan486  
17 Dec 2008 19:39 | Quote
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@BBT - What? Everyone knows my age, only those whom I don't know yet don't. I just look like I'm 14 or 15 in person.
JazzMaverick  
18 Dec 2008 10:56 | Quote
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Phip says:
Plus all the breakups and heartache are the rain that smooths the stone.


Well said! That was actually awesome.

---

Lucky for you then Ozz. They always say I look 15! What a bummer. I always need to bring ID to the pub... it's lame.
Heather  
18 Dec 2008 12:03 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
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Thanks for all the comments so far everyone. About the commas, I have a habbit whilst I'm writing as I just like to imagine where I may choose to pause the singing. Afterwards I just never seem to edit them out. I'm not sure why, so when I pasted them here they were still on the song. Phip, I like that you think I could delete some extra words, I wondered about that but then I wanted to see if anyone would mention that as I wasn't so sure if it'd still sound okay. And I'm very happy it's country :)

Ozz and Jazz, I get mistaken for 12 all the time although I'm almost 16! This is just silly if about all our ages are guessed wrong!Annoying too, when I was 12 people thought I was 14/15, now that I've aged to that point, I'm apparently 12...not sure how that works!

Well I'll be back later with any edits and the 2nd verse. And I might just use your idea somewhere Ozz.
BodomBeachTerror  
18 Dec 2008 12:10 | Quote
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just cuz u LOOK 15 doesnt mean ur ready to date =p
Ozzfan486  
18 Dec 2008 17:45 | Quote
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@ Heather - Haha, cool.

@ BBT - Dude, seriously! Last time I checked you aren't my mom!!! [I'd definetly hope not! lol].

Ozz
BodomBeachTerror  
18 Dec 2008 18:09 | Quote
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just giving u advice =p
Ozzfan486  
18 Dec 2008 18:16 | Quote
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If its not obvious by now, I don't really want it.
BodomBeachTerror  
18 Dec 2008 18:24 | Quote
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ok fine
JazzMaverick  
18 Dec 2008 18:53 | Quote
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What's a guy version of a cat fight?

Anyway, Peace and love - we're all amazing hippies here
telecrater  
18 Dec 2008 18:57 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
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JazzMaverick says:
Anyway, Peace and love - we're all amazing hippies here


Um...I'm a retired hippy thank your very much! I've not touched the stuff in years!
JazzMaverick  
19 Dec 2008 09:56 | Quote
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We're allowed to believe! Keep the spirit alive!
Heather  
20 Dec 2008 18:25 | Quote
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Just so you know I'm sorry for the delay. I kept being sick and I've just been laying around resting. Promise I'll finish and post tomorrow though. But I have to admit, I'm fairly peeved off that I had to be ill just as I got into the Christmas holiday and stay off with no corse work for a change. But hey, when I feel better again I'm going to be hyper thropugh the holidays and act more truley hippy, then ever before! Keep the spirit going Jazz!

Peace and love all (Including BBT and Ozz :D )
Heather  
21 Dec 2008 18:12 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
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Okay now here's my 2nd verse plus I've edited some words. If there are also any edits you think aren't as good as what that line used to be or if there are any edits you have in mind anywhere feel free to let me know.

1st verse:
Too much time,
To remember when Iíd almost turned around,
As I walked away I realized that you shouldnít be mine,
I canít help myself to think that I let you down,
By now itís time I should set down that road and leave it all behind,

Because too many times now youíve been my fool,

Chorus:
Donít know what Iíve been waiting for,
I shouldíve done this a long time ago,
Itís not like I havenít been through this situation too many times before,
Although thatís almost all thatís on my mind,
I just canít help but wonder was I wrong to go,
Well because youíve heard that door slam so many times once more,
What if I come back I find Iíve been too long,

Youíll be gone and Iíd be going it alone.

2nd verse:
I wonít stay to apologize,
For youíll say I never let you down,
These mistakes with you made me realize,
Weíll only end up here once again.

But now Iíll face the truth that if I stay around,
With you even just for one more day,
Iíll let you down.

So instead Iíll just walk away.

(Repeat chorus)

3rd verse:
Yes itíll hurt for a while,
But when I see you with her,
Iíll know what I did was right,
Because no itís not the way we were,
And Iíll know this was just to let you smile again,

After going through no fault of your own,
Iíll continue walking alone tonight,
So back there youíll be doing alright,

Because Iím going it alone.

And I was going to add this part after what's currently the last line as I actually like Ozz's idea "Going it alone,
Trying to find a real way home,
Where how I really feel can roam." but I'm scared the verse will be too long if I do that. Does it sound worth the risk to you?
CTown  
22 Dec 2008 01:54 | Quote
Joined: 14 Jul 2008
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Heather: Morosely beautifully lyrics. I liked the idea very much and the way it is assertive yet questions the decision. Well done. It's definitely has a slow, country feel to it. It seems like it would be quite a long song... ~8-9 minute range? Have you set it to music yet? I'd try playing it the way it is and then try adding the additional piece. Only then will you really know whether or not it belongs. Keep at it.

Phip: Is this a quote?
Phip says:
breakups and heartache are the rain that smooths the stone

Very apt analogy. If it is yours, copyright it so you can sue me when I steal it. ;)
Phip  
22 Dec 2008 05:49 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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CTown says:
Phip: Is this a quote?


nah, it just came to me as I was writing.

@ Heather,
I'd leave the extra bit out. It really doesn't work with the general theme of the song. Save the lines and use them on a new song. just a thought.
Phip
Ozzfan486  
22 Dec 2008 08:18 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
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I agree with Phip, if the song is already good don't risk messing it up. Although do save it for another time [Cos' it WAS MINE!!!!! lol. j/k]. But yeah I don't care if you use it.
Heather  
22 Dec 2008 09:54 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
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Thanks everyone. You know CTown I was worrying it'd be long as I wrote it! I'm trying to match some chords with it today, I might even try to slip in a few licks that will sound appropriate for it.

Thanks for all the help everyone, it's helped me a lot. If I perform the finale version well enough I might be able to use it for school and have it recorded there and if I do I'll post it here so you can hear it.
Ozzfan486  
22 Dec 2008 20:19 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
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Cool.
TheAmericanBrit  
24 Dec 2008 05:22 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
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I'd have to hear some music behind it, but it seems ok.

Chorus is a bit long, but again, I need to hear some music behind it all to make an honest judgment.

The main thing I don't like about the lyrics is that I don't like the topic (or content, if you will). Just not into it. I would look for ways to "say it without actually saying it".


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