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shady character

Songwriting
patleh  
10 Dec 2008 22:56 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
he walks and talks all at night
He sleeps and creeps at day
And he's got the nerve to say
"I'm not mean I'm just honest"
From what I see I know what's upon us
He's unbarable, he's never seen a parable
I can't stand his voice but I don't have a choice
How he's constantly a lier
What he touches turns to fire
Wearing glasses a moon time
All his sentences ryme
He's got so many addictions
But for all his depictons
There's just one factor
He's a wonderful actor
Carrying around a parer
He's a shady character.









A VERY first draft.
Anybody got a word that rules with character???
JazzMaverick  
11 Dec 2008 08:47 | Quote
Joined: 28 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
Lessons: 24
Licks: 37
Karma: 47
Moderator
Songs don't always have to rhyme. Maybe it'll flow more if you just think about things, write them down as a story, then create detailed lyrics from that.

Are you talking about yourself? I'm only guessing because of the glasses bit, and your display picture.
BodomBeachTerror  
11 Dec 2008 10:52 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
thats nice!
shredguitar17  
11 Dec 2008 15:22 | Quote
Joined: 03 Feb 2008
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 7
I like it. "Blur" rymes with character, so does "her", and "lure", if any of those help.
Ozzfan486  
11 Dec 2008 20:31 | Quote
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 18
Writing about yourself? I think its VERY cool. Haha, in a couple weeks you'll probably have an album ready man.
patleh  
11 Dec 2008 21:06 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
I think this song is going nowhere. i worked on it after i got back from the Y this evening and couldn't think of any way to make it better.






BodomBeachTerror  
11 Dec 2008 21:19 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
you cant very well force it out sometimes, often it may just come to you randomly
patleh  
11 Dec 2008 21:21 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
BodomBeachTerror says:
you cant very well force it out sometimes, often it may just come to you randomly



Yeah i agree with that completely though, i thought of it randomly so i feel as if i should be able to better it too.
CTown  
12 Dec 2008 00:52 | Quote
Joined: 14 Jul 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 1
It's not bad, but just not really there for me. Forced couplets seems like you're straining; thus, the lyrics don't make sense to me.
ie:
patleh says:
he's never seen a parable


Parable as in fictional story told for the purpose of moral teachings? What are you trying to get across? What does this lyric add to the song other than completing a couplet?

I do think that you have a base to work off of. Take a day or two away from this, then come back and revise with a fresh prospective. Doesn't work for everyone, but it helps me. Keep up the hard work.
league  
12 Dec 2008 01:47 | Quote
Joined: way back
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 10
It is alright. It makes a good rap song.

Seriously it is good but it needs a better intro.
patleh  
12 Dec 2008 14:03 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8




It's supposed to mean that he's never read the bible. Most people thati knok recognize parable as a teaching of jesus, first. the main jist of it is that he''s a bad person.
TheAmericanBrit  
15 Dec 2008 16:35 | Quote
Joined: 03 Sep 2008
United States
Karma: 1



You, sir, are one of my favorite people now.


BTW: Parable is an Earthly story with a Heavenly meaning.
patleh  
15 Dec 2008 18:34 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
hahahaahhahahahhahahahaha\

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