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I don't know

Songwriting
patleh  
7 Dec 2008 22:08 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
If there weren't stars in the air
after a few drinks would you care
Without the water in great ocean
Would we still need suntan lotion
If we never ever existed
would it all be simplistic,,, today------------
If the mind was gone
would picture be drawn
If we never invented a car
would we ever have gone far
And minus the train station
would we ever explore aviation



CHORUS:If we never lived would you notice
I can finally tell you now that you know this
I---------------
once read a long story
about a city man called cory
he wondered all day and night
without answers he grew tight
Call me ignorant cuz i cant show
all my highs but only my low
i don't know and i don't care
i'll wonder about anything there.
If i can see it i'll ask questions
please answer, i'm begging for suggestions
Cause I---------------------- don't know



If we never found darkness would we sleep
and we never sleep would anyone weep
if we jumped out a plane would we be free
and if we died instantly would anyone see
Without discovering all the bad, only good
Would we still try to live as we should
If nobuddy knew how to read, would anybody write
if none leanred how to see, would anyone question sight


CHORUS:


Suppose you didn't feel her love
would ya still hope for a white dove
If ya never ever knew what was thirst
could ya still see the shineign sunburst
If nobody was ever awake
would we know what was at stake
if she didnt learn of the thing marrige
woul she still get pickd up in a carrige
stop calling me a big chicken
i'm just a bit soul stricken

CHORUS:


SOLO(TBD)


CHORUS:
soy.el.che  
8 Dec 2008 11:10 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
i like it.. too direct maybe but its ur style. too many ifs. just my opinion
Heather  
8 Dec 2008 13:56 | Quote
Joined: 21 Aug 2008
United Kingdom
Licks: 2
Karma: 19
patleh says:
stop calling me a big chicken


Well, my main feed back is thaty should be found as a COMPLIMENT, actually!

But really I think you've come up with a pretty good idea of a song there. What I'm about to say is only due to my own personal taste, so if you like it don't let it hold you back to keep that clear. I'm not too fond of having two lines that ryme come right after each other, I personally like it when different rymes come inbetween each other between lines, but that's just me. Over all I really like the way you've managed to pull it off long while not allowing it to turn dull. I like that, when people are writing songs I notice they're often too scared to make it long in case they ruin it, but this is pretty good. My favourate is the 2nd verse, and I really like the chorus until that chicken insult! But seriously that and the line following I really like.
patleh  
8 Dec 2008 14:11 | Quote
Joined: 05 Dec 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 8
Heather says:
Well, my main feed back is thaty should be found as a COMPLIMENT, actually!

haha i'll change that for you buddy.


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