Some Lyrics I would Like you guys to Check out....

So heres the story, I went out with this girl I thought I loved (same old same old) then she cheated on me with like 2 other guys, so I cheated on her (terrible decision morally I know) then she turned around and started dating my best friend. Yet she wants me to be her friend ( I know what your thinking, wtf?). So I put a lot of metaphors in this song, and I wanted to see how you interpret the song just so I know if I got my point across.

Oh Ive been writing songs for a while, so it isn't novice, so please think about the lyrics! Gracias peeps!

"Hello pretty one...theres work I begun
but its hardly untrue...it was you
Hello meet someone...its me coming undone
though im mangled and unglued...its all for you

My chest had fallen for you
closed my tears but I knew
living this life away...
would tear my soul astray
Don't try...cuz im out of your way

Goodbye loved one...you killed our fun
turned around to everyone...let them touch your sun
I thought it was too bright for me...yet you wanted me to see
made me feel useless...teasing me, an abused mess.

But I shown my wings...
You only bite and sting...
Ive left the past...
Why do you make it last?

My chest had fallen for you
closed my tears but I knew
living this life away...
would tear my soul astray
Don't try...cuz im out of your way

Yes the stars flew fast.
Mars knew venus wouldn't last.
You drove the problems they aren't gone,
now you gotta solve them all alone.

I generally don't like songs with this motivation.

Anyway some of the rhymes don't seem to have much flow in them, but without the melody it's hard to say.

Standard opening line when meeting a singer.
"If your lyrics are about mommy not loving you enough, or a girlfriend cheating on you, we can keep this short."

Yeah the chords are somewhat jazzy and bluesy, yet with a happy undertone. Have you heard incubus song Drive? Its kinda like that since I have a lot of maj7 and min7 chords in it. The song if you look past the shallow cheating sh*t, you will see its about how I still want her oddly. Its hard if you havn't heard the melodic phrases with the guitar, and how my drummer and percusionist play in the background and the harmonies my rythem/ backup vocalist sing. I will post it on our myspace band page when I get the chance.