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And number 3 (Last one for now)

Songwriting
CTown  
22 Aug 2008 00:08 | Quote
Joined: 14 Jul 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 1
I appreciate any input.

Unofficial from Aurora.

No clue how we started talking that emerald night; never wanted it to end.
Told me she met all the wrong guys - hoped Iím not the same. Feared Iíd fail her as well
Never heeded love at first sightÖ Maybe I should take another look
Second chances donít come around so much anymore; Better days are all used up

You know itís ok, you gotta make it your own way.
But Iím on my own and all aloneÖ itís 4 am what can I say
Unofficial from Aurora
In just a second my life turned upside down
I threw my dreams upon a star where no one ever can tell
Life will only pass you by

Some guy out there has got her hazel eye all to himself. And I burn inside.
But you canít expect me to go through life wistfully. For all I know sheís just a ghost haunting me.

I always say, I always Say I wonít live with regret
But I wanna plug my ears while she blasts her favorite county song singingÖ
Unofficial from Aurora
Slipped away so fast, I couldnít say goodbye
I hid my dreams upon a star where no one ever can ever find
Hold on to the memories we got

You want to stay, but your mind betrays. It Only takes a second to turn to gray.
On the fence and held at bay. Courage will crumble in Decay.

Unofficial from Aurora
Slipped away so fast, I couldnít let go
Some will say Ė Itís ok to be in disarray
Life will only pass you by



baudelaire  
22 Aug 2008 00:18 | Quote
Joined: 16 Aug 2008
Brazil
Karma: 2
what are you doing? just writing whatever comes to mind? are you considering... rhythm, rhyme, alliteration, themes, motives? some basic elements of a good song, you know.
CTown  
22 Aug 2008 12:14 | Quote
Joined: 14 Jul 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 1
Yeah, basically. I take a theme and expand upon it. William Shakespeare, I am not. I'm not about to start writing in Iambic Pentameter. But the theme of this song is "the girl I let go" the rhythm goes: verse, verse, bridge, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus, bridge2, chorus. I end rhyme, sparsely, but it's there. Not a fan of alliteration, or for that matter consonance or assonance.

I do sometimes put complete crap in there for the sole purpose of maintaining the balance that I've set. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Doz  
22 Aug 2008 12:52 | Quote
Joined: way back
United Kingdom
Karma: 10
I think it's very good, even if it hasn't got perfect rhythm or rhyme. However, if you did a little work to make it a bit more controlled then it could be even better.

Not as much for your other lyrics you posted... but I like this. Brilliant song title, and the first verse is my favourite.
baudelaire  
22 Aug 2008 13:31 | Quote
Joined: 16 Aug 2008
Brazil
Karma: 2
read this through

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_basic_poetry_topics#Methods_of_creating_rhythm

and it should give you some tools to work with. it's a good place to start studying versification. look up Poe treatise on verse, as well, once you have a grasp on the subject.


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