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Another song by telecrater

Songwriting
telecrater  
3 Aug 2008 10:05 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
United States
Lessons: 8
Karma: 13
I wrote another dumb song. I'm really not sure what to think of it but when I have another verse or 2 may try recording it. I'm not sure what to call it. Open mouth or split myself

(Verse)
I stare out that window and every things seems so clear
How can I stand by your girl if I can’t fall on my own
But what you said to me that know how it could not cause harm
(Pre-chours)
Once again I’ve done it
Once again I’m screwed
Burry myself in this hatchet
Split myself in two
(chours)
I feel like such a a looser
I feel like such a freak/creep
Why can’t I ever open my mouth
Without burying myself in deep
foogered  
3 Aug 2008 12:25 | Quote
Joined: 30 Apr 2008
United States
Lessons: 2
Licks: 11
Karma: 9
I like the last two lines of the chorus a lot. I almost said "sh*t" after "deep", heh.
ThePusher  
5 Aug 2008 03:56 | Quote
Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Canada
Lessons: 3
Karma: 3
Pretty decent I'd say
CTown  
6 Aug 2008 00:26 | Quote
Joined: 14 Jul 2008
United States
Licks: 1
Karma: 1
"Without burying myself in deep"

I like the duel meaning in this line and the imagery with the hatchet. You may want to tighten it up a bit to make it smoother, but you've got a good base. Let's see some more verses & music for it.

As far as titles I think your first choices are probably best but, how about "Hatchet" or "Buried" or you could thieve from the Smiths with “Bigmouth Strikes Again” or go with an oxymoron “Speechless Prattle”


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