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Need some feedback on a new Song!

Songwriting
JustJeff  
25 Jun 2008 18:48 | Quote
Joined: way back
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 21
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6665446
"Stay with Me"

This song i wrote a few days ago is dedicated to my girlfriend. I still have a huge kink to work out of it, but thought I'd try to get some feedback on it now.

Anything is welcome! I want to be able to play it for her when I get back to school!! :-P

Thanks for the help

P.S. The last minute or so is a poorly improvised section. You don't/shouldn't listen to that part :/
telecrater  
25 Jun 2008 18:55 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
United States
Lessons: 8
Karma: 13
I liked it at parts, some parts still need some work, but there something that seemed odd I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad?

I liked how you used harmonics and tapping on the guitar have a very cool feel to to it.

Good job, oh her comes the last minute....
foogered  
25 Jun 2008 18:57 | Quote
Joined: 30 Apr 2008
United States
Lessons: 2
Licks: 11
Karma: 9
I can see the slap-guitar influences in there for sure. It's very pretty, I'm sure she'll be impressed. The melody kind of reminds me of another song (don't you hate it when people say that?). I wouldn't worry about it though, it sounds like you've got your own thing going on there. The thing with this style of guitar playing is that it's so drifting, it's hard for me to keep track of what's going on. If it were my song, I'd try and tie it down more to a strong melody. I had some trouble following it. The structure kind of reminds me of a sonata, which has a big development section smack-dab in the middle.
JustJeff  
25 Jun 2008 19:02 | Quote
Joined: way back
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 21
telecrater says:
Copy and Paste quote here!


What seems odd to it? Not enough structure behind the song? Not really flowing well from one part to another? I need some specifics to lock everything down!!



And foogered, i think one section of my melody sounds like a Savage Garden song... :/
telecrater  
25 Jun 2008 19:12 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
United States
Lessons: 8
Karma: 13
I'm not sure how to explan the oddness.

It seemed loose, and maybe dissonant. I could tell it was a new song and it sounded like you didn't quite have it down.

Don't take this as me saying it was bad, i just think it needs some work.

It's very pretty, and i really enjoyed your melody, and style. the potential is there you just need to take to the next level.

It's great you see you again by the way.....are you still doing the youtube lessons thing?
JustJeff  
25 Jun 2008 19:33 | Quote
Joined: way back
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 21
I will be. I haven't had a lot of time to do much with my full time job. I'm gonna try to sit down and do some more when I get a chance.
foogered  
25 Jun 2008 21:32 | Quote
Joined: 30 Apr 2008
United States
Lessons: 2
Licks: 11
Karma: 9
Ahhhhh, yeah, I think you're right.
Skold  
25 Jun 2008 21:35 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
It's cool, but I got a bit bored listening to it.

Probably because I'm not really into solo instrumental stuff like that.

Then again, some of my favorites are Victor Wooten, and Jean Baudin.
BodomBeachTerror  
25 Jun 2008 21:40 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
thats awesome.. not really into that genre, but its gd.. nice harmonics =D
telecrater  
25 Jun 2008 22:21 | Quote
Joined: 13 Jan 2008
United States
Lessons: 8
Karma: 13
Hey Jeff,

I had my brother listen to your tune and he was blown away. Just goes to show opinions are like butt holes......

Keep up the good work!
Skold  
25 Jun 2008 22:31 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
Must you be so raw, tele? Keep it clean.....poop-chutes.
Empirism  
26 Jun 2008 01:41 | Quote
Joined: 23 Jun 2008
Finland
Lessons: 4
Karma: 35
Aye, nice ballad. Liked the melodies. Nicely done.
les_paul  
26 Jun 2008 05:43 | Quote
Joined: 14 Feb 2008
United States
Lessons: 3
Licks: 2
Karma: 11
I'm a jeff fan. lol... This song is still a little rough around the edges but I like it.
Phip  
26 Jun 2008 07:01 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
I'm a Jeff fan too.
It may be lyrics that are needed to tie it together. very nice melody and i can hear (in my head) the words "Stay with You" in the song sung twice each time (am i right)? Can you put some vocals to this for us?
I think what's happening is you can hear the melody in your head while you play but we can't so it sounds like something is missing but really isn't. I like it.
Phip
JustJeff  
26 Jun 2008 07:10 | Quote
Joined: way back
United States
Lessons: 2
Karma: 21
If there were lyrics, they come in after the harmonics:


I've been waiting for so long I just can't let you go
Is it time for me to tell you?
I will Stay with you.

Then it goes to the part that sorta sounds like Savage garden, but I didn't really have any idea for lyrics to that part, it's really just the first melodic part. ^.^


The harmonics had the same idea:

I've been Waiting... Can I stay with you?

Something along those lines :)

I have to leave for work though, so I will try to work the kinks out of this song. I have another one in the works that came out of me, spur of the moment for my brother. I'll try to post that tonight too :)

I'm sorry to be stealing your ears so much!


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