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Bwhahaha!! Another one 'Lyric thread'

Songwriting
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Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 14:59 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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Well I'm sort of hurting right now, missing someone bad, someone I feel for but she dosen't feel for me in the same way =( And I thought I'd just share one of the random songs I've ended up writting about it.
I'm no songwriter, I fail badly at poetry and rhythem of words but I just need to let it out you know? Meh, whatever: rip me, burn me, shred me kill me.

"Another"

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself;
That to you,
I'm just a boy,
Another Guy;
Another Friend;

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
Myself.

No matter the lies,
I still,
Still feel,
For you.

To you,
I'm just another face,
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend,
Not another love.
GuitarBoy666  
10 Jun 2008 15:02 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
I actually like it. I thought of Blink-182 when reading the first verse.
It has a bit of repetition though. like I still, I still, and Feel, Feel.
And the whole second part.
Either way it still seems pretty good so far.
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 15:06 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Wales
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Well the repetition fits how I sing when I play acousticly, if its not acoustic the repetitions will just be elongations of a word.

But thanks, I don't really think any of my work is good.

Added a lil bit more:

No matter what I hear,
You can do no wrong;
You saved me,
Saved me a thousand,
Thousand-hundred times.

I'm waiting here,
With open arms;
Waiting to cradle you,
Protect you,
And Save,
you;
In your times of need.
soy.el.che  
10 Jun 2008 15:20 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
those are some good lyrics, sounds familiar to me
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 15:27 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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I just noticed, I've never listen to Blink except when there on tv or the radio O.o

Thanks Soy =D Wooo two verses hahahaha.

No matter what they say,
To me you are an angel,
An angel whos eyes hold me,
Hold me in an addiction,
An Addiction to your shadow.

You shouted in pain,
I came you your aid;
I came as sure as fire,
as fire I never tire;
I never tire of you.
GuitarBoy666  
10 Jun 2008 16:05 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
I like the newly added stuff.
But you should listen to blink aha, they inspire me a lot.

The only think I don't like is as fire I never tire.
Honestly I just don't think it sounds as good as it could be.
Maybe like,
"I would never tire
Cause I never tire of you"

I dunno man I can't write your song for you it's your song but I like it for the most part.
Constructive Criticism, my friend.
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 16:21 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Wales
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Karma: 14
I know my friend :D *hugs* hahha

Hmmm, well how about:

'I can never tire around,
around your exciment.'
?
GuitarBoy666  
10 Jun 2008 16:37 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
I like it.
Cause how could you get tired of seeing the one you love be happy?
Makes sense & it sounds good
Phip  
10 Jun 2008 16:50 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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Lessons: 1
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Moderator
@ Nutter,
I think you're not aware of your potential in the poetry writing department. You are much better than you give yourself credit. finish this lyric and sit on it for a couple days then come back to it and work out the rough edges and i think you'll have something pretty damn good. Really, i mean that. It could be good enough to put to music so don't abandon it.

Phip  
10 Jun 2008 16:51 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
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Moderator
Oh, and keep the repetition, it works!
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 16:52 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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Wow :o thanks alot phip, wasn't expecting quite a compliment haha, I have been told I doubt myself to much in everything I do (Thats what you get for a life of being bullyed -.-)

Well I moved some stuff about and I'll post the final version once I get to the last part ahhhha =D

[Bridge 1]
I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
These useless truths,
Truths that feel like lies;
My wounds are venomous,
venomous;
I think I may just die,
Just die this time.

[3rd Verse]
I've told you twenty times or more,
You are the sun to me,
The moon and the moor;

I've told you things many a time,
But maybe now you'll,
You'll realise just how true,
Those words are.

[4th Verse]
No matter the pressure,
No matter there beliefs,
They don't know you,
Know you like me.

To me you a rose,
A rose not so flawless as the rest;
Your imperfections,
Your indiscretions,
Create you in a way they,
They can only dream about.
GuitarBoy666  
10 Jun 2008 17:00 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
I really like this new stuff here ^
Very good.
Can't wait to see the final
Phip  
10 Jun 2008 17:01 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
Ok, good job
now on the lighter side and you MUST take this as a joke (i'm a frustated comedian)! here's one i'm working on.....

I'm EMO
I'm EMO
Don't it make you
want to screamo

I think it's gonna rain
i'm gonna cry again
I looking for my knife
cause that's an EMO's life

It needs work!! LOL
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 17:02 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Wales
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Thanks GB, I think that might be it, trying to decide if I should put a 2nd bridge on at the end of the song before the repeat of the chorus..

@Phip: You'd have a blast with my dad, he is a legend for coming up with stuff like that..but to pop-songs, like he turned a sugerbabes song into something like that and almost caused a security guard to fall to his death cause he laughed to muvch (My dad was coming up with it on the spot at work, his a painter/decorator on building sites)
BodomBeachTerror  
10 Jun 2008 17:04 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
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lool phip
GuitarBoy666  
10 Jun 2008 17:07 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
HAHHAHAHA HOLY FUCK PHIP THATS FUCKIN FUNNY AHHAHHA LOL

And LOL@ Nutter's dad
Phip  
10 Jun 2008 17:13 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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Moderator
Thank you, thank you very much (elvis impersonation)

I do that kind of stuff all the time just to amuse myself, but the funniest one i ever heard (i think) was this one. original first then the joker. from creedence clearwater revival, Bad Moon Risin

Chorus:
Dont go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
Theres a bad moon on the rise.

Chorus:
Dont go around tonight,
Well, its bound to take your life,
Theres a bathroom on the right.

cracks me up every time :)
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 17:16 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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Holy shit! My dad said that once hahahhahahaha, it came on the radio in the car and he sung it. (The same words too)

Agh..finished I think

[Bridge 2/Outro]
I found myself one night;
Up upon your house,
Your house up off school street;
Wanting to call you out,
Out to see the clear black night.

I instead turned away,
Away into the inky black;
Since then I've,
I've been just,
Just;
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend.
Phip  
10 Jun 2008 17:19 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
Just one little suggestion if I may.
The line about school street...maybe "I stood across the street"
more generic so everyone can relate.
just a thought
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 17:22 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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I was thinking 'Main Street' ...or 'the Main Street' but I ended up putting school without noticing, thinks its cause thats where her house really is haha..
Phip  
10 Jun 2008 17:24 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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Yeah, i can relate to that! Are you working on chords for this song?
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 17:27 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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Will start on that on Thursday, got exams tomorrow -.- but I don't know many chords =( so I dont get much structure and variation in my songs...
Phip  
10 Jun 2008 17:32 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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Moderator
how do you envision this song? sad, angry, slow tempo, fast?
Try some 7th's like maybe Amaj7 and see how you like it.
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 17:33 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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Sad, slow acoustic mostly, but I might end up putting it in a sort of punk song format =\ depends what I play on Thursday..
Phip  
10 Jun 2008 17:37 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
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ooooooooo, ooooooooooooo try this
Amaj7 B7 D7 E
just strum them in that order and see how it feels.
Nutter166  
10 Jun 2008 17:42 | Quote
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Wow...thats funky (writes it down) might try that tommorrow man, sounds..like a happy sad song...like Disney's Fox n The Hound...
EMB5490  
10 Jun 2008 17:52 | Quote
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lol at phip, ive never been too good at lyrics
Skold  
10 Jun 2008 21:59 | Quote
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United States
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Finally, someone who can write as good as myself.
ThePusher  
11 Jun 2008 00:05 | Quote
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Canada
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I dig the song myself but its not really my type well written though
Nutter166  
11 Jun 2008 01:47 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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Thanks guys, well just as I was going to sleep (finally half 6 in the morning) I got something I had to write down. I'm not to sure on the endinf though, it seems...weak...

[Outro]
No matter what I say,
I can't make myself believe;
That to you,
To you I'm just another;

Another face within the crowd,
Another boy,
Another guy,
Another friend to say to;

Just another memory,
Waiting to be erased.
GuitarBoy666  
11 Jun 2008 04:55 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
lawl@ phip's parody song

Nutter, the rest sounds pretty sweet, write it all down and then post it here :D
Nutter166  
11 Jun 2008 10:40 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Wales
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Direct from the saved file, I'm not sure on the structure though : any comments be preciated =D


Nutter166  
11 Jun 2008 10:41 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Wales
Licks: 2
Karma: 14
[Intro]
I keep telling myself,
Telling myself;
That to you,
I'm just a boy,
Another Guy;
Another Friend;

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
Myself.

[Chorus]
To you,
I'm just another face,
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend,
Not another love.

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
Myself.

[1st Verse]
No matter what I hear,
You can do no wrong;
You saved me,
Saved me a thousand,
Thousand-hundred times.

I'm waiting here,
With open arms;
Waiting to cradle you,
Protect you,
And Save,
you;
In your times of need.

[Chorus]
To you,
I'm just another face,
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend,
Not another love.

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
Myself.

[2nd Verse]
No matter what they say,
To me you are an angel,
An angel whos eyes hold me,
Hold me in an addiction,
An Addiction to your shadow.

You shouted in pain,
I came you your aid;
I came as sure as fire,
I can never tire around,
around your exciment.

[Bridge ]
I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
These useless truths,
Truths that feel like lies;
My wounds are venomous,
venomous;
I think I may just die,
Just die this time.

[3rd Verse]
I've told you twenty times or more,
You are the sun to me,
The moon and the moor;

I've told you things many a time,
But maybe now you'll,
You'll realise just how true,
Those words are.

[Chorus]
To you,
I'm just another face,
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend,
Not another love.

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
Myself.

[4th Verse]
No matter the pressure,
No matter there beliefs,
They don't know you,
Know you like me.

To me you a rose,
A rose not so flawless as the rest;
Your imperfections,
Your indiscretions,
Create you in a way they,
They can only dream about.

[Chorus]
To you,
I'm just another face,
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend,
Not another love.

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
Myself.

[5th Verse]
I found myself one night;
Up upon your house,
Your house up off the main street;
Wanting to call you out,
Out to see the clear black night.

I instead turned away,
Away into the inky black;
Since then I've,
I've been just,
Just;
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend.

[Bridge ]
I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
These useless truths,
Truths that feel like lies;
My wounds are venomous,
venomous;
I think I may just die,
Just die this time.

[6th Verse]
No matter what I say,
I can't make myself believe;
That to you,
To you I'm just another;

Another face within the crowd,
Another boy,
Another guy,
Another friend to say to;

Just another memory,
Waiting to be erased.

[Chorus]
To you,
I'm just another face,
Another guy,
Another boy,
Another friend,
Not another love.

I keep telling myself,
Telling myself,
Myself.

sorry bout the double post, wouldn't let me put it all in the other one =|
Phip  
11 Jun 2008 17:03 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
That may just be the best damn poem/song i've read on this site EVER!
Real nice job Nutter.
Nutter166  
11 Jun 2008 17:23 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Wales
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Karma: 14
Woooow thanks dude, that sort of made me cry hahah, I'm not use to such..kind words should I say, also all the words in it have a feeling so, I guess thats why this one turned out alright =D
BodomBeachTerror  
11 Jun 2008 17:27 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
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Licks: 1
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i was finally bored enuff to read it... awesome job man
Phip  
11 Jun 2008 17:27 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
put it to music now while you're inspired. how did the exams go?
Doz  
11 Jun 2008 17:29 | Quote
Joined: way back
United Kingdom
Karma: 10
I was going to say it's dead long... but it's probably because you repeated the chorus... maybe you should have put the chorus in once and then typed [Choru] when it comes in.

Anyway, I'll read it when I aren't so tired. Quickly scanning though it seems alright.
Nutter166  
11 Jun 2008 17:30 | Quote
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Wales
Licks: 2
Karma: 14
Thanks Bod & Doz :D

@Phip: will do at some point, I was listen to a mates song earilier and felt the method in that would go well, a very..country/funk acoustic for the rhythem with a lead that goes with the lyrics if I make sense here (I'm drunk alright?)

Also I just noticed I fucked the 6th verse -.-, should say 'I'm not just another;' but not to sure if I should change it : might affect the rhythm to much...
Phip  
11 Jun 2008 17:33 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
yeah, well you're the artist so you can do whatever you please.
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