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Here's some new lyrics I just wrote

Songwriting
Skold  
30 May 2008 22:49 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
You fly to closely to the sun.
You're unlike most everyone.
You sing the things that are real to you.
You do what no one else will do.

You love the rain drops of the clouds.
You find your joy in things unfound.
You see the things they never see.
Yourself is all you try to be.
----------------------------

It's just the verse, but I should have the rest of it out pretty soon. The rhythm of the song matches that of "Time to take out the trash" by Brad Sucks.

So, what do yer think?
GuitarBoy666  
31 May 2008 08:07 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
Sounds pretty good. Post the rest of it soon though so we can see it!
Doz  
31 May 2008 10:43 | Quote
Joined: way back
United Kingdom
Karma: 10
'You see things they they never see' a nod to Oasis?
GuitarBoy666  
31 May 2008 10:44 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
Well he does like Oasis... :P
Skold  
31 May 2008 10:47 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
What? NO!.................You and I are gonna live forever!

Haha, yeah, it wasn't intentional though. It's just something that I felt due to the fact that people generally NEVER see what I see. It's like, you can try and show them the beauty in something (mainly music, for me), but they're just too blind to see.


You know, now that I look at the lyrics, that's not the only "nod" to Oasis. Read the very last line of the verse. Sounds like "You need to be yourself....You can't be no one else", eh?
Doz  
31 May 2008 10:56 | Quote
Joined: way back
United Kingdom
Karma: 10
That one isn't really that similar...
Skold  
31 May 2008 10:57 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
Yeah, I know. It's kinda like saying "You were born march 15? Oh my God, I was born july 5th! What a coincidence!".
Skold  
31 May 2008 11:00 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
Here's the pre-chorus

-----------------------

Yet you don't seem to care.
You don't seem to see.
You'll never know what's behind the door.

You don't got friends, so you sing to yourself. You do...in your lonely room.
-----------------------

soy.el.che  
31 May 2008 12:05 | Quote
Joined: way back
Mexico
Lessons: 1
Karma: 9
too many "you"... anyway, good job
GuitarBoy666  
31 May 2008 13:37 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
Yeah soy has a point, there is too many "you"
Maybe try editing that and changing you to another word that can describe it or just something completely diff.
Doz  
31 May 2008 13:58 | Quote
Joined: way back
United Kingdom
Karma: 10
Yeah, I agree actually, plus...the last line of the pre-chorus sounds a bit awkward.
BodomBeachTerror  
31 May 2008 13:59 | Quote
Joined: 27 May 2008
Canada
Lessons: 2
Licks: 1
Karma: 25
yeah i agree
Skold  
31 May 2008 15:13 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
I went with an idea EMB (I think) posted about how he liked lyrics with the first word repeated for each line. The pre-chorus is just some shite off the top of my head, so it WILL be changed.
GuitarBoy666  
31 May 2008 15:44 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
Plus, it should be "You don't HAVE friends" lol
Proper English. :P

And well just cause someone else says they like certain things in a song doesn't mean you have to go and make a song like that cause THEY like it. Maybe if 10 people were asked, only one would say they like it. So the song wouldn't be a hit. Just sayin'
Constructive Criticism
Skold  
31 May 2008 15:47 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
@GB

Well put, sir.
Phip  
31 May 2008 16:06 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
Skold says:
You fly too closely to the sun.
You're unlike most everyone.
You sing the things that are real to you.
You do what no one else will do.

You love the rain drops of the clouds.
You find your joy in things unfound.
You see the things they never see.
Yourself is all you try to be.


and the voices on the street say that up is down
while the voices in your head make their very own sound
and you never learned a bit of truth
from the voices on the street

idea for the chorus?
phip
Skold  
31 May 2008 16:10 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
It could work. The chorus is basically just lifted from the verse "Woman is the n***** of the world" by John Lennon.


Note: I'm talking about the chords, not the lyrics.
Phip  
31 May 2008 16:15 | Quote
Joined: 23 Dec 2007
United States
Lessons: 1
Karma: 45
Moderator
John Who?
LOL
Skold  
31 May 2008 16:21 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
John Lennon.....You know....that guy who use to be in that band?
GuitarBoy666  
31 May 2008 17:30 | Quote
Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Canada
Karma: 2
Yeahhhh!
From Deep Purple!
I remember that!

*sarcasm*
Skold  
31 May 2008 17:33 | Quote
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
United States
Karma: 3
Yeah, and that black bass player! What was his name?.....Hen dicks?


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